is love real

2007-05-14T23:39:00.000-07:00

HELLO Hello hello PEOPLE!

Don't worry I'm STILL alive.
School has been great.
I'm loving every bit of it.
Although assignments are crazy-ness, I still find joy in doing them. Lalalalalala.
I haven't been sleeping for countless nights already.
Coffee is the solution.
For the record, I took 3 packets one shot to stay up through the night/morning/afternoon/late afternoon/evening/and night again.(*Nods to "The vicious cycle of life.")
Anyhow, I'm THIS busy that I'm NOT even the one typing this post.
Guess who's impersonating me??
Guess!!

Guess Guess!!

Guess Guess Guess!!

Haiyer actually the answer is kinda obvious. Go figure.

Adios Peeps!

-tuoharobed

2007-03-30T06:31:00.000-07:00

The desperation in your kiss
gave you away

monday and tuesday was great, just wish i could go back to it, but over the past two days there's only one sentence that i remember vividly.

'how am i suppose to save you if you keep going back to her?'

that's very true, i hate thinking so much-it kills joy, as CHERINE said.

seperate heart, body, soul.
what do you get?

-TIFFANY.
get it? well.

2007-03-21T20:05:00.000-07:00

THE COLLISION OF YOUR KISS

left blood in my mouth.because you had weird teeth.

you know like during conversations with other people and like everybody's laughing course someone told a funny joke or just smth funny? ya, everything's good then. but we all know there'd definitely be this random in the group who would say smth weird, that was suppose to be funny but actually.NOT. and then awkward silence sets in___ and everyone's just O.O
yes it's weird having people like that around, it's plain weird. food for thought.

so i look indiany today cos it's the effect of going swimming for the whole week in the HOT HOT sun. it's funny when you go swimming in the morning cos you meet all kinds of weird people, swimming all kinds if dog/fish/cat/dying bird stlyes and you just can't help laughing. what i can't stand the most are those like group of guys trying to show off, i emphasize TRYING, but you know they fail terribly, and those couples that go to the swimming pool just to snog, like get a room please?? like what is it with a pool of water and a pair of trunks or swimmers? get you horny? maybe.

but not so much on this, tmr's NING'S BBQ can't wait.

and i talked to her yest!!her as in HER. well only she'd know.

'hey hey you you i don't like your GIRLFRIEND!' haha CHERINE.

just like the way your tongue flirted with mine, how you nibbled your way down my throat and how you left soars all over my neck. you'd never get with me

2007-03-13T01:33:00.000-07:00

YOU HOLLOWED OUT MY EAGER EYES

so what you gonna do about it? put it back?

am i bored with my life. i think i am. just stare at the ceiling for ages and nothing comes into mind. so have to start being productive again. but what??
met cherm the other day, sat at the s'pore river and just talked. supposed to celebrate her birthday so i bought her cake and we sat there eating her cake. i swear breadtalk cake tastes like-bread?honest!! but i enjoyed myself ,i guess. im sure the people opp us enjoyed themselves too cos they were like snogging each other for 45mins non-stop.i counted yes. these people should sign up for deep sea diving, don't need oxygen tank somemore.HAHA!!

in cherm's house now and she's studying??why!! stop studying and talk to me!! haha.kidding

i miss her.badly
but will she ever know?
never.
tell me why baby.tell me.

you don't have to do anything, yet you'd be tugging at my heartstrings. i just find it so hard to comprehend. why i can't hold on to you. the real you. i feel you slipping away and i have no idea why. it's like walking amongst a crowd full of people.all just muddled in their own world.and there you were.in my face,and for the briefest moment, you were mine. but just like everyone else, you walked on by.
can i say' i told you so' i knew it was too good to be true. but im glad i wasn't a fool like before. surrending my all to you. knowing you'd take it away from me and leave me a ransom letter. i think about it everyday, but tell me why i don't feel hurt. have you knotted me up?

i miss you cherine!!

2007-03-06T21:23:00.000-08:00

so this is HANNAH WONG :)

fast facts: 16 this year but mentality of a 9 year old, born in s'pore but lives in perth aust now, has a fetish for odd looking buttons, and is a true blue, black haired-blonde: speaks like one I SWEAR!

so this little baboon was suppose to be in s'pore by march, and isn't it march now??? HELLO BACK THERE IN AUST!!. hahah, got to catch up with her yest and she made me blog bout her on MY BLOG! im kind and dumb enough to actually do as she said. pretty stupid huh?? okay, whack myself for that.

back to stuff in singapore, got the jae results yest and got into interior design at sp, not that im disappointed or anything but it's so damn far!! like walking from my room to the toilet!! haha! but seriously sp does freak me out a little cos it's old and stuff, unlike my first love TP!! just hope the appeal comes with some good news.

im feeling so~ now, was suppose to go retail therapy with ASIQ but but had the freaking appeal to do and i feel like swimming today cos MARIO has a freaking tan, yes that tall skinny white monkey friend of mine has a tan and i don't, how awfully de-pressing!

i wanna scream!

tell me baby are you for real, cos i feel you slipping through me.

2007-03-05T17:58:00.000-08:00

So give me all your poison,
and give me all your pills.
Give me all your hopeless hearts to make me ill.
You're running after something that you'd never kill.
If this is what you want then fire at will.

Was sitting with Josh the other day and he said this to me, "Tif, something wrong? You just like sit there and switch to your emo mode. Just staring at something but not really staring at it."
EMO MODE? I didn't know there was such a mode, but honestly, staring at something but not really staring= Stoning, not EMO Joshua Tan. HAHA!

Honestly, this word "emo" has become so overrated that you just don't wanna be associated with it. But can we help it, when we're all "I hate the world, and the world hates me" kind of teenagers. We've all been through at least some form of emotional trauma that we're just walking around with a sign on our foreheads which read, "I'm depressed, and it's cool!" ~smile *grins! NO, I mean ~black face and thick eyeliner. HAHA!

But down to the truth, that "feeling" does seriously suck to the core. It consumes your whole being and you just feel like puking all of it out. Out of your system. Just like Cherine said, " You just feel so 'nua' you wish you were unconscious."

Enough of all those sad/depressing/self-pitying vibes. Met Cherine at B&J's yesterday. We sat outside Macs eating 18 pieces of nuggets, drinking and talking. I really hope you're feeling better now Twin-O :D. Just don't give a damn about those losers. They don't have a life and are just trying to get some off you.

Now to serious stuff:
Ever told yourself, enough is enough. I'm not gonna be played anymore. No more empty promises. No more pledges to loving someone for eternity. No more bullshit. Guard your heart so well that you've become devoid of any kind of emotion.
I remember talking to Asiq about this. I told him ".... well that person would always be beautiful and perfect in your memories, and you'd always love them that way. Why change it and force yourself to love the person the way they are now?" and he said, "What's that man? Like hallucinations of love?" Serious anal asswipe! But I figured he got what I meant.

I can accept that we're going no where. But for one last time, let's go there.

P.S I love my sister so :D Only she knows what she has done for me and I'm grateful. Love you to bits sista!

2007-02-18T09:08:00.000-08:00

well this is to all the people out there celebrating CHINESE NEW YEAR!!
it's quite shitty course you kinda binge like hell, so like i was saying to chermaine, only 1 tart per house. it's so much better that way.
there's the good and bad to this festive season though, on one hand you get to meet all your long lost forgotten great grand auntie/uncle from china or iceland god knows where.but it's fun. and the irony of it all is that they all look the same to me, after so long!!

but anyways, gotta catch up with lynda jie, eldest cousin in the family. said she'd bring me to zouk one fine day, she was telling me how she met fiona xie there. super funny!!

can say that i've been really OK lately, even though i saw DIANE LEE on v'day, apparently im still BREATHING WALKING TALKING AND SLEEPING WELL!

i've learnt to be a much happier person, honestly and i really hope you'd be too, even though we aren't really talking now, knowing that you're so bloody depressed is extremely depressing to me, and im sure to every other reader who cares bout you. i hope you find your happiness, and it sounds extremely corny and cheesy to say this esp during this season, but i really hope you'd be able to be happy and carefree again. it may not have to be in a relationship or anything. wtv makes you smile, go ahead w/o caring what people may think.

i can't explain this feeling
i think about it everyday
and even though we've moved on
it gets so hard to walk away

2007-02-12T07:05:00.000-08:00

me and pei at sarah's party.

i should happy right, i know im suppose to be happier person, i promised myself that, and i know promised cherine that too. i know i was a wreck on friday, but cherine said smth that really hit me, it went smth like that

me: i hate myself, really, i don't know why im such a sucker for her. i feel so fucking stupid!

cherine: control your feelings, don't let your feelings control you, eat on this, think through it thoroughly.

i know i gotta really do that from now on, and what? even though i made up my mind, yet still, why do i feel so hollow. why do i cry on the inside?

just got a haircut, and the day went on too fast now im nursing a migrane.

she said you don't know me, you don't even care.

2007-02-06T19:09:00.000-08:00

The amatuer psychologists in the crowd will perhaps sense the significance of shivering uncontrollably.
The subject subconciously enacts a fantasy in which she is stripped of her self- control through a powerful, exotic love.

To which I would respond: Doy Hickey.

I was ravenous for a love so grandiose as to obliterate my life. Almost every relationship I'd formed in the past 4 years had gone south: romantic entanglements, friendships, some out of pure desperation. One friend referred to me as a train wreck. Another suggested "emotional atomic bomb" as perhaps closer to the mark . The ones I couldn't scare away, I managed to drive off over some perceived sight.

I was the world's welterweight champion of the slight fend. I didn't see it that way, of course. People just kept letting me down. It never occurred to me that I sought out rejection, engineered the drama of fresh grievances to distract me from older, stale forms of grief.

But that's not the story I'm telling now. No one - except those paid to listen- really wants to hear your musty songs of self contempt. What we want is the glib aria of disastrous love, which is, finally, the purest expression of self contempt.

I remember watching this film, where the lead tells this beautiful american woman,
"You ask me whether I'm waiting? I say YES! We're all waiting, waiting for that one moment, transfixed in time, to save us all from ourselves."

But I am certain that you, too, have some episode in your life that lines up against this one, some mad period of transgression in which, your body, your foolish foolish body, led you towards tender ruin. And sometimes, at night you must lie awake and ask yourself: How could I have done this? How ever, in the world, might I have become such a fool? How do I stop? And when? When? When will I have her again?

-Was yesterday a dream?

2007-01-22T04:45:00.000-08:00

class bbq was great, got to get tgt with the whole class, that's why it's called class bbq but ANYWAY. i had fun,cycling with asiq and blah blah blah. i love you crazy ppl to bits

im feeling things i don't quite comprehend. you're more than just a pretty face

2007-01-08T06:32:00.000-08:00

it's been forever since i saw you
i start to wonder if there was such a thing as us before
i see you lying next to me
with words i thought i'd never speak
awake and done afraid
asleep or dead?

i wanna lie in your gaze forever

silly girl, of course i'll always remember you

2006-12-30T08:50:00.000-08:00

just back from aust and feeling a little, just a little sad. ya, really miss the people back there, but, well went out with mario and charlene yesterday. watched some flower show, where everybody died, even JAY CHOU:( but anyways, charlene left first and i dared mario to pierce his upper ear and he dared me to pierce my nose, like wth! but i gt my upper ear pierced instead, it was just an impulse thing. mum saw it and didn't even say anythng. i think the trip to aust has really changed her. cool huhh?
went to town later, did stupid things like, stealing beer from cheers. mario's idea. and he did it. haha, and i asked a girl for her no. because MARIO wanted her number, pretty dumb huh?
conversation went on blah blah blah
"oh.. im mad.'
'oh... mag'
' no! mad, as in madeline.'
;right'
well. i guess she figured we were a little drunk, but who cares, she wasn't that **** *******. HAHA

i realise smth weird bout singaporeans, they have no idea how to slow down and appreciate the beautiful things in life, that's what makes them so damn SQUARE and BORING. seriously. it's just like everyone's just like freaking robots or smth, just doing as they're told. how sad, and sad to say. im one of these people too. oh well.

i'll go on putting on a fake smile, even though i have no idea what went wrong, i trust that it'd be alright.
im cool, on the outside

2006-12-24T05:48:00.000-08:00

i've got to run away, i've got to get away, i've got to run away, i've got to get away

I AM GOING TO WRITE A BOOK!
yes no doubt about that, gonna do that. alright.
think positive!! no more EMO EMO!! oh well.

okay, wtf man! why did nobody tell me that was coming, HUH!! WHY?
FUCKING tell me why??
i do deserve to get some sort of explanation huh?
oh well, it's christmas!! i SHOULD be happy:]
which i am, esp now that im with HANNAH!!
yes, my newfound dearie hannah. sigh! love you darl!

im tired
plan A for christmas.
get drunk with jason, kate, nathan, jonathan and whoever else!! yeepee!!

plan B
write my new book, act studious, but end up getting drunk and driving up to magaret river in jason's car:]

whichever, that'd be fun

MARIO I NEED help!!!
sorry bout yesterday yupp, just sorta SHOCKED?
you've gotta fill me in man, i have no idea WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!
i didn't know surfing was a crime.
buggerheads'

MERRY CHRISTMAS ALL!
later jigg jiggy homie[learn that from HANNAH!]
HAHA!

2006-12-06T04:18:00.000-08:00

hello people! greetings from PERTH!!
it's great here! really GREAT! got to meet really good people and stuff.
go surfing everyday! i mean everyday, and like WOAH!! haha, you know what i mean when you go to beaches and stuff, loads and loads of, hahahaha!!! alright.
met cheryl and tracy, oh man! i miss cheryl already, her ditziness, oh man!! hahaha.
uncle harry and aunt hilda's great. life's just blissful here. catching on an accent actually, it's awfully weird. haha, speaking like an aussie.
" gooday mate", or" what you reckon" or, "bloody hell" that kinda shit. haha, really really weird indeed.
spending christmas here. gonna be weird you know, like all the cousins and aunties that go around hugging and kissing you like you know them. WEIRD!! but it's fun:] im gonna miss the people here.
but at night it kinda gets lonely and stuff, and i start thinking about people back home. mario.. diane..sigh, i miss diane and mario and alot of other people and stuff. sigh!
okay francis wants to use the com now, gotta go.
seeya people:]

meet me at the coffe shop outside rottnest island:]

2006-11-15T19:39:00.000-08:00

oh man, woke up this morning and my head was fucking hurting, eyes bloodshot, nose as red as ever. i taste blood in my mouth again,oh well, didn't have a good sleep. all my fault i guess,
DAMMIT MARIO!! you should have stopped me from smoking so much!!!!haha.

tired, restless, angry. and all my mind can think about is you. fuck this mind man, sigh! yesterday had fun at the staircase with mario, at like 8pm? haha. talked and talked and talked. smoked and smoked and smoked. almost came close to tears once, but i held it back.

do you want me to say that i hate you? do you? cos it's not working. im falling deeper. and is it my fault? i love you too much. saying that i hate you contradicts everything i feel about you. fuck this brain!

"i don't know why im taking in all this shit.."
"right now you're taking in too much smoke"
haha, thanks mario:] good luck for your last day of o's!! i have 3 more fucking papers'UGH!

2006-11-15T04:24:00.000-08:00

"I don't know, you're weird." Do you know, it's just weird, cos I wanna see you happy, and everytime I try to act as if it doesn't hurt well it weakens me and makes me feel more vulnerable. It's like you're getting stronger and I'm getting weaker. Do you know that? I doubt so.
Talking to you today made me realise that, well, I ain't the person who can hold your heart and give you happiness not now or anymore. You're not the person that you used to be the one I wanted who wanted me. I used to be the one for you, now I'm just someone or a face in the crowd. Fading and soon disappearing. I tried to find the answers in your eyes. I searched with much desperation, but all I got was a cold stare. Something I've never seen before but I'd gotta start getting use to.
You were there and I wasn't. You're gone, and I'm still waiting for you to come down to me. It's my fault to be a dreamer. But can you blame you? I build my life on dreams hoping upon every shooting star that it would well come true. At least one. But I realised I never did come close much less smell any of it.It's screwed up. I dreamt of a better school, I screwed up. I dreamt of a better future, and now I don't even see one. I dreamt of my dream girl, and just like any dream she disappears when I finally got to my senses. It's just like when you know you're late for an appointment, you have two choices, either you stick by saying, "Better late than never", or you'd just rather miss the whole thing altogether. Give up trying to beat time, give up and move on.
I don't wanna give up. It's not me to give up that easily. But as much as I want to give faith a fighting chance. I know deep down I ain't got the chance at even trying to win you back.
Harden your heart to reality, face it with no emotions, that way you won't hurt. I used to think that was the way to deal with pain but I realised by doing that it'll only make things worst. It took me 3 whole years to get over michelle. And I don't wanna do that, it'd be unfair to you, me and the third party.
It's better to face up to reality now, hurt now, cry now, reminisce now, then to drag it on.
Memories kept in my heart, frozen in time. They were good memories, that deserved to be revisited every now and then. But only lacks the warmth and love the past could only thaw. Till then it'd be kept frozen in my heart forever so I am picking up the pieces, and I'm trying not to cut my eager hands. It's strange, it's not even a sadness to accept the things you don't understand.
To Mario:I wanna thank you bro, for bringing out the stronger and braver person in me. I'll keep all those words of advice close to my heart. Whenever the going gets tough, I'll remember what you had said and I'll not shed a tear. "Be strong man." Don't worry, I'll be strong :D

To Jovian:Well man, you're gotta know what you really want from her and yourself. Even if it's just to be friends, try to work stuff out. We both know she's too good to lose, just stop and ponder for awhile and don't be rash about stuff. From me to you, it doesn't seem like an unsolvable problem. She's in your court now, treat her well.

2006-11-14T11:25:00.000-08:00

had fun at band pract today, tim was being a fuck head, squirming and stuff cos daph broke up with him. damn man, pull yourself together, im single too. 'but you're different!! you don't know how it feels to be dumped in front of the whole orchard road!' well, that's trajic huh? guess there's other poor souls out there that's worse then me. lol.
well, just slacked around for abit. today was gonna be our last band pract cos i was to leave soon, tim was gonna start school soon, jerry and jon, well they have NEW GFs! fuck man, and mich, well, i don't know, what you're up to?? haha.
tim was crazy, i swear and he decided that since both of us were freshly dumped or single, we should make a toast to that, crazy bastard.
we bloody got intoxicated on red-bull, shark energy drink, jolly-shandy, a swig of jack daniels, coffee, teh tarik[i know it's dumb] and well two packs of fags, damn we were hyper after that. kept disturbing uncle berry in his sleep. tim was like whispering sweet nothings into his ear, jerry like placed jon's socks in front of his face, kept tickling him with the gay feather duster. damn funny la, i was like laughing like fuck man, and the worst thing, uncle berry didn't even move at all. he was like STONE. damn he's QUEER!

we played the remix of 'someday we'll know' by NEW RADICALS:] had loads of fun and tim started to break down man, and all of us started breaking down, it was a bloody scene la. stupid jerry was like, i wanna eat BANANA PRATA! RANDOM! oh man, this band is way crazy, but i love you guys:]

we played 'make damn sure' and well, it was my turn to breakdown, oh well. bittersweet memories i guess, i just really miss you baby, and i have no idea how to tell you that.

if i could ask God just one question...
why aren't you here with me, tonight.

im gonna be back, i promise.

2006-11-13T11:08:00.000-08:00

it's 3 am on the ceiling clock now, but i can't seem to be able to sleep.
it's you im thinking about.

got off the phone with him not long ago, and was left with the few words of ' just ask her how she really really feels, don't keep being caught up in suspension, and one more thing, be strong.'
well mario, like i said, im not afraid of asking, im afraid of the answer, well i was proven right i guess.

'what difference does it make'
damn it'd make a whole lot of difference, if only you'd know. this really isn't me. im not a person that goes around showing people im happy and everything when i know deep inside im cracking up. but im doing that now. i am, and it's tiring, and i fear that if i continue this way, i'd regret not ever saying the stuff i wanted to. i'd regret everything and waste all my tears on something i know is gone forever.

i don't care if im going against what your best friend wants of you, or whatever my sis has said abt you, its you and me, not me and them , or you and them. 'she still loves you man, i know that, you can save this man, follow your heart.' damn what heart man. i think i flushed it down the toilet bowl.

2006-11-12T22:19:00.000-08:00

i just found out that my name TIF
stands for TERRIBLY INTERESTING FREAK
oh WOW! haha, thanks BERNICE CHIA ZHE LI((((:

2006-11-12T21:38:00.000-08:00

you can save this you know?
i want to save it too.
but i know i ain't superman, i can't live in denial forever.

'am i irritating you?'
'yes'
well that did hurt. all i wanted to do was love, care, be there.

it's scary cos i've been coughing blood over the past few days, nose bled last night, and i had no idea until my mum was like, who punched you?
i hope this continues, then i have a valid reason not to leave singapore. imagine the doctor saying 'oh im sorry mr and mrs thomasz, tiffany cannot leave sinagpore because she has lost too much blood.' whoohoo!! i tell you i'd be damn damn happy if the doc tells them that. hmm.. maybe i should bribe one to do it for me. HAHA.
a countdown till i leave, thus far im left with 15 hours and 7 days. wished it was the other way round, at least i have about 2-3 weeks to work out stuff with you, spend time doing all the stuff i wanted to with you. i never got to accomplish the stuff i wrote down on my list of' THINGS I WANNA DO WITH DIANE LEE.' it pains to know that yesterday was our last goodbye. i wonder when i'd see the day when i'd stand across the road from you, smiling and knowing you're glad to see me. not you telling me that im irritating or that you hate me.

nobody forgets their one true love, unless they're suffering from dementia. i'll never forget you. never. even if i lose my memeory and forget your name. i know that when i see your picture, i'll be able to have the faintest idea of what used to be.

i wanna save this, and i know i don't have to be a superhero to be able to do that. will you be willing to take your chances with me?

2006-11-11T11:44:00.000-08:00

well what can i say, there's only two kinds of regrets in one person's life.
to see your loved ones leave you. and to see the person you love unhappy.
a season for goodbyes and new beginnings i guess. it seemed as if we'd stay like that forever, never ever saying goodbye. but i guess saying goodbye is the only way we can move on with life.
well, listened to this song today, and it made me cry. not that it was sad or anything, it was just really beautiful and meaningful. asked him to listen to it too, and well, guess both of us cried too. the thought of having to leave him behind and knowing that i may not see him again when i return, well it was sad. you were there in my darkest moments, you taught me to be strong and made me promise you that i'd focus. you were my strength, mentor and my very best friend. thanks bro, i know we don't have much time left before i leave and before your parents work it out. just like you said, think positive, be strong, smile. i'll do that, and rmb our song? well, the song really reminds me of the people who have touched my life before, but now are gone forever. forget bad memories, keep good ones close to your heart, never forget, always remember. and wherever you may be, or however far we may stray, you know you'd always be in my heart, you'd always be alive in there, beating in me. so bro, if you're reading this, rmb our song. saving jane-come down to me. and you know we'd never have to part or feel regretful about anything, because we'd always be alive in each other's memories.
20th!!! punggol end:] gonna drink ourselves silly okay:] haha!!

you're beautiful, just the way you are
and i love it all, every line and every scar...
and i wish that i could make you see, this is where you ought to be,
come down to me.

to diane-
well what can i say, i really enjoyed time spent with you,
great friend, great companion.
even though i never imagined leaving you, i guess just like once cherine said, it's inevitable.
never hate, always love. hope you stick by that to live your life.
good luck with your future and i wanna thank you for being someone special in my life, i wanna thank you for teaching me that love needn't have to hurt, love was all about giving and taking, more of giving rather than taking. love was when you know all you needed to survive on was seeing the other person happy. love was all about you.
so take care girl and anytime you need someone to rant at or just a shoulder to cry on, you know you can count on me, <3your baby piggy always:]

2006-11-09T15:54:00.000-08:00

im confused, these walls stare back at me, im wondering whether it'd ever start talking to me. im wondering what to do. the silence is getting too loud. maybe i should....

michelle called my house from overseas this morning, at like 7 am. well i was obviously still asleep. so jun jia, if you're reading this, please go to the airport on 20.11.2006 at 7pm, terminal 2. go pick her up okay?? haha. i'll be leaving the next day, so no time. anyway to michelle: if you're reading this when you're here. a big HELLO AND HUG;] sorry i wont be around when you're around babe, haha. but i'll call when im back okay?? and meantime, just bear with jun jui;] haha.
is today suppose to be a happy day? im thinking that it should. it has TO BE a HAPPY day. well, for some reason im feeling that it wont. everything is just going aginst the grain, i have no idea how to react really. should i stand by and watch or should i just be frank and ask?
my mind has been reeling with it. don't think so much you'd say. i don't think i wanna either. i'll just stand by and watch then.

happy 4th month anniversary baby, and good luck for your clb listening

2006-11-08T17:28:00.000-08:00

tell me yesterday wasn't a dream, tell me that i didn't have to wake up from it. tell me you were really holding on to me. tell me you were real. tell me that i was real. tell me we were real.
i wanted the bus ride to last forever. why does singapore have to be so freaking small?!? but i had fun, and i could tell you had too. whatever stuff you and i said. it just sort off disappeared when i saw you yesterday. seeing you made me realise how much i had missed you, how much i was missing a part of me. i thought i wouldn't be able to talk when i saw you. i was feaking out, thinking of the right words to say, thinking of the right things to do. but i guess it was just like the old times again. i thought i'd melt with the taste of you still fresh upon my lips. i thought i'd just break down when you kissed my most sensitive spots. i know i turned red. but i was happy. i was. happier than i ever felt in the whole of the two weeks.
it's amazing how you appreciate doing the simple stuff with someone, and enjoying every bit of it. maybe cos you're madly in love with that person.

12 more days before i see you baby:]

2006-11-02T10:15:00.000-08:00

im staring out at the same night sky, but tonight's different, cos it seems you're not gonna be there anymore.
it's not over. i can't bear for it to be over. not after i've given three quarters of my heart and soul to you. if you leave now, you'd take a piece of me and the rest of the 4 months together with you.
it hurts. it does fucking hurt. but it seems that whatever i say to you, you don't even give a shit. i love you. i do. you push a knife down my throat or force me to hate you, i'll still love you.
it seems crying ain't gonna solve nothing here. smoking is making me puke and sick to the stomach.
'mario, what to do?'
'take subutex lor'
right, take a pill and all will be fine. not so i guess.
that night as i lay thinking about you, how'd i look deep into your eyes and was captivated by your auror. how'd i hold you tight till the whole ordeal was over and we'd reached our climax. i hear you breathing down my neck, breathing deep into me, taking in every bit, slowly, breathlessly.
i shivered, the thought was just unbearable. and i cried. even though i didn't want to.

2006-11-02T09:29:00.000-08:00

I woke up trying to catch my breath. I couldnt take it anymore. I needed fresh air. I had to get out of the house. Didnt care if I couldnt. Just had to.

I took the route towards the remote aisle. I remembered taking this route when I found out that you were with Jun Hui. I remembered taking this route also when I found out Jovian was getting chummy with you. Now im taking this route again. I have no idea where Id land up. I never was able to finish the whole journey. I dont think I would this time.

And as the weight of my feet started pulling and slowing me down, I told myself to go on. Even when my face started burning up and perspiration dripped off my face. I told myself to go on. My heart raced, it wasnt the same palpitations I felt not too long ago. It was an aching pain. It reminded me of everything we ever shared. It reminded me of every time I saw you turn your back and walk away from me. It reminded me that I was going through this long hard journey by myself. Not you by my side as we promised each other. And at that moment I just collapsed out of exhaustion. My breath was all I could hear as I lay breathing hard on that isolated pavement. I have no idea whether it was my perspiration or just my tears. All I knew was that as I stood up to leave, I left behind a big wet patch.

Thinking I could clear my mind. I become more breathless.

I took out the letter you wrote to me. The only one thing left that I could find some form of solace in. it seemed as if it was just yesterday that we had our first kiss. Just like all first kisses, it was a clumsy one. But we knew that the best was yet to be. Just like what you said. The best is yet to be. I remember everything. Do you?

2006-11-02T09:22:00.000-08:00

I didnt want to cry, but I did. It hurts. It does. It hurts to know that youre talking about loving someone else. It hurt when I read it and every one of your posts had him in your thoughts. What hurts even more is that you actually read out almost every single post to me and still thought it was alright and fine. What hurts the most is the fact that my worst fears were actually coming through. That whatever I thought to be a joke was actually reality. And as I sat there, upside down, trying to fight back the tears that were soon to flow out, I told you that I was having my head upside down because I didnt want the tears to flow out and you just said,oh, good for you.’

I guess that was how you felt when I told you everything about Alethea and me. You were right. I only get a taste of my own medicine when its happening to me. You were right, always been and will always be.

Sorry doesnt mean anything youd say, but sorry is all ive got for you to make you come back to me. I was wrong, wrong enough that hell itself would have spat me out. But what was your second chance for? I asked you before and Id ask again. Why tell me youre willing to give us a second chance, when your heart is already with someone else. Why tell me you love me when youre saying that you love someone else.

Ive never smoked so many reds in my life before, but I guess we needed it. So as both Mario and me sat watching the Chinese shrine thing outside his neighbour’s house, we talked about life’s shoulda-woulda-coulda. He was trying to fight away the ghost of his past, I was trying to fight the thought of you becoming my past tense and not present tense.

I remembered it was 10.45 pm on the 1st of July when I told you that all I wanted to do was to see you happy, and as long as you were happy, I’d be fine. I told you Id always be there. But something stopped me in my tracks and I couldnt say anymore. So I just flagged you a cab and watched you fade off from my life. I remembered I kicked the bush cos I hated myself for not saying what I felt. But I told you to be true to yourself, know what you want and be honest to yourself. Whatever your choice was to be, Id be happy for you.

Im still sticking by that. Just be honest and true about what you really want from him, me and yourself. The truth doesnt hurt, what hurts is the fact that you want to be with me yet you want to be with him. One moment you tell me youre happy being with me, next moment youre telling me that you should have told him you loved him when you had the chance.

Is this your way of punishing me? Cos if this is the way then im telling you youre doing a great job at teaching me a lesson. The pain is worse than getting knocked down by a car or being thrown off the building. At least you know theres a 90% chance of you being dead. Its like piercing a thousand knives into my heart. Thrusting, twisting and penetrating every nerve. And yet I know im not dead yet. Im bleeding, but im not dead. Im not alive either, just bleeding. And it seems as if Id never die, cos I cant seem to bleed dry.

I asked you this and Id ask again, what do you really want? Dont tell me what do you think or”its up to you. Its you that matters here. If you want me to stay, Id stay. If you want me to leave, Id go. Just dont tell me you love me cos that word is just over-rated.

2006-10-19T21:56:00.000-07:00

i wanna thank mastura for helping me with the extra knowledge of learning to use a lap top.THANK YOU!!!
PLUSSSSS.... hanis and RACHEL for the use of this, lap top. HAHAH okay, how dumb we're suppose to be STUDYING and NO GIRL-WATCHING!! AND MASTURA SCREAMS!!! I AM straight. YA RIGHT. SHE Has lesbian inclinations I SWEAR!!SHE LOVES THE KFC AUNTIE!!! OKAY. GTG RACHEL IS A BLOODY TYRANT. WANTING TO EAT CHICKEN RENDANG, cos she's DEPRIVED!!!

SEE YOU ALL IN ONE YEAR'S TIME!!!

2006-09-05T09:57:00.002-07:00

some stuff don't have to be said
and i shall stand by and watch what happens
i trust it'd turn out alright
i just hope you'd stay the same.
uevoli

2006-09-05T09:57:00.001-07:00

some stuff don't have to be said
and i shall stand by and watch what happens
i trust it'd turn out alright
i just hope you'd stay the same.
uevoli

2006-09-05T09:57:00.000-07:00

some stuff don't have to be said
and i shall stand by and watch what happens
i trust it'd turn out alright
i just hope you'd stay the same.
uevoli

2006-08-29T20:32:00.000-07:00

oh no it happened again.
the familiar taste of your's lingers at the tip of my mouth.
take me home tonight
and i'll be satisfied.
i miss you.

2006-08-27T00:59:00.000-07:00

why can't things just be alright. why must it go wrong.
why are bananas yellow?

2006-08-24T08:59:00.000-07:00

The thought sends a chill all over me. It's a real dreadful thought, but thought can become action and then we'll just have to wait and see what happens next. It's amazing how things turn out. How it just falls in place. Just like you can't feel time, you can't control some stuff. The more you try, the more you fail and then you blame yourself for it. I don't want to end up like this, like now. But I have to, it seems it's the only path I have to take. Every time I try to deviate from the truth, it still comes back to haunt me. And im tired of fighting back, resisting it, and running away from it.
‘Don't do this to me, to us.’
When did I ever give you the impression that I wanted us to end this way?
It was you; so don't come blaming it on me when you know that was the last thing on my mind. Don't think that your pitiful antics would change what I've already made my mind on. I'll never ever let you bring me down. Not this time.
You've done enough damage on your part and I know if this continues, both of us would just end up killing ourselves. It's not right.
Go back to your roots when you start becoming unreasonable and irrational. Ya, like what damn roots? Maybe there'd be some remnants of it left in the soil.

This is shit. Everything is just bad. Insignificance has become significant in my eyes. You try to forget but you can't. You spend so many years with someone and you can't possible forget that person's name after a night’s sleep. Same here, I just can't forget, even if I want to. You can't blame, im human, we all are.

Kissable lips? - Come get some;)

2006-08-15T18:50:00.000-07:00

gah gah!! this is so not good!! prelims are round the corner and im not even prepared for it:(

skipped sch and went to asiq's house. slept there. him on the bed, me on the floor-.- been real tired these few days and really no mood to study, only have the mood when im studying with siew hong, other than that, im always sleeping. you know they have the word insonmia for those who can't sleep. thay should make a word for those who sleep alot. at least i know it's sorta normal cos people may experience the same as me.
is it normal to get irritated easily?? i really wanna know, i think im really weird these few days and i think if this continues i'd go mad thinking if there's smth wrong with me.oh well stop thinking and go sleep tiffany.
did smth real terrible yest. sorry ALETHEA TANG!! okay, if he dares do anything to you, i'll skin him alive, that stupid white chinese chicken. hurr!

kiss me like the way you did, look into my eyes and give me that look that never fails to make me lose my breath. just one kiss and im satisfied.
gonna meet baby now.whee~

2006-08-13T23:26:00.000-07:00

firstly i have to thank siew hong for letting me use her com:] thanks woman you're the best and please don't smile or laugh at me or smth when you read this. wahaha.

oh well, life has been slow, the future seems real distant and my past is slowly beckoning me back. as much as i want to turn away from it, some things just can't be forgotten. but i'll hold on with all my might, to what i have now. always holding on, till im forced to let go.

me: hello ju er
j.e: hi tiff, what happened to your hair?
me: i just cut it:]
j.e: cool, oh well you always give me the impression that you have the YO! look.
me: -.-
someone please tell me wht's a YO! look, i really wanna know, stared at myself in the mirror for 5 mins and i still don't get any YO! feeling. oh well.

people changing around me, people i thought i could trust turned out to be really fucked up. don't try to control me cos i wont fall for your pathetic vices, i wont be one of yr stupid victims, following you around like a dog following it's master. you can control HER or HIM but not me, never will i let you do it to me. you can jolly well go and comb your hair or smth.
like what asiq said, 'don't be a dog' i know i wont.

i told alethea i quit smoking and she said," shall i give you a trophy?"
some things just don't change.

2006-08-06T08:00:00.000-07:00

to think i would hold up. stay strong. and embrace everything that comes my way. im not like that. im weak and i cant stand without you. i cant take it. stop doing this to me. one moment youre there, next youre not. i feel you drifting from my reach further and further still. im feeling like the worst is yet to come and i dont wanna think of what else might happen.stop giving me that face, that tone, stop being somebody i know youre not.thoughts they change and time they rearrange and i dont know who you are anymore.but i must confess youre so much more than i remember, cant help but entertain thoughts of us not together. the wind caresses my face and it almost feels like youre here .holding on to something we would eventually have to let go.i dont wanna miss a taste of you, not one bit.let me hold you now, fast, so that this feeling wont fade and let it take control of us till there's nothing left to hold on to.let me whisper in your ear the things you long to here.tell you the tales i dream of at night, my deepest thoughts and emotion,the deepest core of my soul. let me touch your heart and feel the warmth that overwhelms it. where are you baby, come back, where's the person i embraced with open arms, where are you now?

2006-08-02T22:44:00.000-07:00

"why do we fall"
"so that we can pick ourselves up"

but im never gonna ask that anymore, not now, not in the future. never. never will i turn to you, never would i want to acknowledge you, never would i want anything to do with you.
i admit it, you hurt me. as i sat at the corner of my room, i cried, and the tears stung my eyes. it was not out of self-pity, but out of sheer pain that i felt.
i hate you
i can't bring myself to say it, deep down, you know i still love you, as much as it pains me to say it. i do.
but this love is different, it's bitter-sweet, its not something worth being proud of, but it's worth holding on to.
i'll try hard and when hard is not enough. nothing's gonna be enough.

2006-07-24T00:29:00.000-07:00

take that shit
and flush it down
i don't wanna say it again
cos im different now
and im happy with it
shutup if you're not
cos i don't care.
i don't need to hear it from you, i don't wanna care anymore.

you can jolly well give me that fucking look
i'll ask you to go fuck yourself.

i've learnt to turn away from you
you taught me that
im just applying:]

2006-07-20T08:01:00.000-07:00

just don't go to far
cos i need you here
and im wrong
cos nothing goes right

feeling like shit these few days and really no one to turn to. thanks to ASIQ he really helped alot.

you hate me
and i don't wanna say anything
cos im mute.

2006-07-13T07:48:00.000-07:00

happy days are here to stay, or not? im only happy when im in school or when im with you, but other than that, it's been one deep shit hole that i just can't seem to get out of.
i need a change and it has to be big,radical and different from this crappy life im having now.
new air, new beginnings.

i want to leave everything before behind
walk on in life
hand in hand with you.

i've been trying everyway and everyhow just so that i'd be accepted in your eyes. i've been holding this back too long now, push it out, fake a smile. but it seems pretence ain't gonna work for long and soon i'd just have to give up ever trying to make you happy with me. im zombified. im dead to you. and im never gonna keep up with you.

all the things you taught me before
how you once took me under your wing
and thought me evrything about life.
i'll remember every bit of it

but now
we've changed too much
it seems we're two different people now
strangers living in a world we can't seem to get out of.

baby if you're reading this, im just gonna thank you for being there for me in my darkest moments, telling me everything would be alright. reassuring me you'd always be there for me. take my hand and never let go baby.
remember carpark deck 4A? haha. i love you my baby chicken:]

2006-07-09T03:42:00.000-07:00

the feeling of loneliness and vulnerabilty sets in many times too often now, but i know everytime i think of you, i just get that warm feeling all over and i have to hold on to something real quick before the feeling devours me to the very core of my soul. thinking.dreaming.breathing you has been something i've learnt to look forward to alot nowadays because i just preoccupy my mind with you and i know everything's gonna be alright. i always imagined one day you'd be mine and i, your's. that i'll never lose you and you'll always be mine.
the blink 182- always,has been insistently playing in my head and i can't help but think of you everytime the song rings in my head.

so come on let me hold you, touch you, taste you,ALWAYS,kiss you, feel you, all mine,ALWAYS... ...

you and me
just like that

2006-06-28T08:23:00.000-07:00

i don't know how you can smile with all those tears in your eyes.

and you tell me everything is wonderful now.

close my eyes and i count to ten and hope that everything would go back to the way it was then.

closed my eyes and went to bed and wished everything would be wonderful again.

we could escape reality and just run away to a place where there's no sorrows nor mourning. everything would be perfect, just like we dreamed it would be. just wonderful.

[quit your contradictry]

2006-06-26T07:45:00.000-07:00

I LOVE SHI HUI :]

i dedicate this LOVELY post to the most LOVELY girl i've ever known[ and no she didn't force me to write this!] ya right, hahah. kidding girl.
anyways, im suppose to be typing smth for her and she's DISTRACTING ME!! what a nuisance. grr! hahah.
i've known this chic for the longest time and yes she is the BESTEST GIRL amongst all the BETTER girls:] and im saying it from the bottom-mest pit of my oh-so very deep heart. and so we're gonna take our o's at the same venue. i think it's way cool, but she thinks otherwise.
but who cares, i still love her:]

you're the only thing that's on my mind

2006-06-22T03:15:00.000-07:00

2006-06-22T01:48:00.000-07:00

so here i am
sitting in front of the com, staring at the homework that i am SUPPOSE TO BE DOING, but just procrastinating and giving myself every GOOD reason not to do it.
every single day now, i just find myself wasting away my life, or not so dramatic, my holidays.
i found joys in watching cartoons and dumb soap operas on t.v
i can actually tell you word by word what happened in TOTALLY SPIES and WINX CLUB.
okay, you must be thinking, tiffany thomasz watching stuff like WINX CLUB?? yeah, you're right, i actually do think that those little fairies or wtv they call themselves, kinda hot actually.
something is seriously wrong, or maybe im just trying to relive some childhood joys.
God knows what i'd be watching next.
SESAME STREETS with my godbrothers CIRIUS AND JOTHAM?

i think if you just sit yourself down and think of all the good things that happened in your life
you'd be a much happier person:)
someone wise once told me that and i tried it today
and it did make me a happier person
but only for awhile
kinda dumb huh?

come to think
my whole life is just full of disappointments
im always disappointing people and not living up to their expectations of me
and i just disappointed ASIQ because i told him i couldn't follow him to OCH to go find SOME STUFF.
ya, sorry man.

and[you]
i just want to say that
maybe you may think we're just not right
and every instinct and conscience in you is just telling you not to do it
but how do you control things that are not in our power to control?
it's alright really. it's better if we stayed this way.
just know that everything i'm doing now
everything im trying to change of my old self
it's all for you and you alone

ps. HI SHI HUI!!! REALLY REALY MISSED YOU GIRL:]

2006-06-10T10:56:00.000-07:00

diane like watching tv. how cute. haha

okay, weiling trying to play this dumb game with me

okay, im blogging at 2 a.m and it's my BIRTHDAY!! oh what the hell with it man. it's just gonna be ONE -OF -THOSE-BIRTHDAYS that i'd just forget once the clock strikes 12 a.m. DIANE LEFT SINGAPORE ALREADY!! we are already missing you!!! haha.
she talked to my mum the other day. and she was like
" hello AUNTY"
mummy was like 'AUNTY?' YOU ALSO LA!
okay, quite true la, considering you're MUCHMUCH older than me. haha. KIDDING!!
you're binging on RAMLY BURGARS and leaving me with a lonely birthday. grr!! you're gonna have to pay bao bao face girl!! haha. you're just real lucky weiling and i didn't upload the pic of you running cross the road!! haha.

what do you do when all is lost and we're left to pick up the pieces.

when i was young, i always thought that i'd wanna grow up to be like my mum. real good and everything. oh well. i guess all these would just change sooner or later.

i wanna be myself and the true me just won't show. everything is just so wrong for me. nothing i do ever turns out right.after a while it gets really tiring, you just wanna give up. and be the person everyone wants you to be and thinks you are. i guess it's just easier that way, it's like you're accepted by them and everything is well.

or maybe not.

i'm tired and i need a break

a real long one, maybe just disappear in time and escape with you.

2006-06-10T06:47:00.000-07:00

Hello I'm not Weiling.
Yes, I'm Tiffany :]
And I love Weiling.
No, she's not pointing a knife to make me type this.
I just simply love her.
And no, I don't love Owen.
Okay, maybe I do, just not as much as how I love Weiling/
Anyway, you've got my point.
I AM WEILING :D

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TIFFANY! Y

2006-05-27T06:35:00.000-07:00

this is called euphoria - aft we knew we got 2ND!!
we all go trigger happy. click snap whatever.

team & heart - the both qualities we had.
oh one more, no sry its not skilled, its screw.
we screw whoever who plays w us! -eh heheh.
so whoever who got screwed/kicked... -smiles from us.

hahahaha okay like hey there people, & tiffany.
since youve been such a nice & pleasant twin of mine,
i shall be rlly nice & pleasant too, now.
you tagged me! so i realised, you must have updated
your frigging 'once in a while updated' blog.
& so i got that right! & t the part where im gonna be such a nice & pleasant twin,
i have decided t upload the JOGA 3 FUTSAL photos for you.
which photo did we look hot in?! (cos i think we looked hot in EVERY photo!)
hahahah, bet youll roll your eyes till you can see your brains!! -hahahahaha!!
that's further than thailand, i think. LOL.
play beautiful, tsktsk - REFREE KAYU AHHHHHHH -!! pffs.
hahahahaha -!! okay.
i still cannot stand your blog title lah!! [is love real]
hahahaha, can you like change it to something esle?
like something positive, say: love give me wings. (hahahaha frig! hilarious!)

RAHHHHH!! okay i shall end this off w goodlucks!
good luck t all those taking chinese/other language 0's paper on Monday.
29th May 2006 is th-e da-y.
success or failure - your choice.
one life, live it. (HAHAHAHA, freak shit!)
okay. oh so bye for now.
- JOGA 3 FUTSAL GRAND FINALS TMR, AT WEST WING STADIUM
all the best t all finalist (: esp threesome from pgss!

lots of love & love & love & only love from Cherine Wee
-sophisticatedfunk-.blogspot.com

2006-05-27T01:43:00.000-07:00

oh no don't go changing
that's what you told me from the start.
thought you were something different
that's when it all just fell apart
like you're so perfect
and i can't measure up
but im not perfect
just all messed up.

have been doing INTENSIVE CHINESE for one whole week now. as in seriously INTENSIVE. it's like we have chinese from 7.30 to 12 in school. after that i have like my own chinese tuition, and it's like EVERYDAY. gosh! this morning i woke up at 6 a.m and thought i had to go to school. but then i was like " WTF AM I THINKING?? today is like SATURDAY!?!?!' told my daddy bout it and he was like" next you'd be asking me who i am and you'd be wearing your pants on your head" okay....that's like seriously ALOT of help eh? haha.

alot of things happened throughout this whole week plusPLUS NIKE JOGA BONITO.and tiffay says, play beautiful.HAHAH.okay, cherine, if you're reading this i bet you're like ROLLING YOUR EYES ALL THE WAY TO THAILAND. haha, at least we won second eh?? haha. IT'S ALL CHEERS TO YVONNE AND CHERINE:D it's really too bad i don't have any of the pics yet. oh and we had a pic where all of us and yes ALL OF US LOOKED OH SO HOT!! hahah.

after that was like TUITION.TUITION.TUITION.TUITION.TUITION.TUITION.TUITION.TUITION.TUITION.TUITION.TUITION.
but at least it wasn't that torturous . had the same tuition as my tuition teacher's neighbour. and she's an IJ girl. when i found out she was from kc i was like OH SHIT. i seriuosly do have enough of convent girls. im actually kind of scared and freaked by them already. seriously. phobia of convent girls, haha, some new illness. but the funny thing was that she turned out to be my CHILHOOD......no not SWEETHEART. but my childhood friend. as in we met when we were still in the same cat church, how cool is that. and she looks EXACTLY THE SAME. haha. way cool man.told cherine about it and she was like" so...... new girl on the block/" -.-
guess tuitions would never be the same eh?

someone said i had an attitude problem yesterday. i guess if i got angry, that does really show that i do have an attitude problem right? anyway, it does take a person with a bigger attitude problem to notice someone with it right. oh well. i seriously don't know what to do and say anymore. thinking back, i realised how childish you actually are, and i seriuosly don't know what i saw in you. i just wasted everything on you. and im taking it all back because you don't deserve any of it at all.

some where out there
i know someone loves me
and i don't wanna waste my time on you
i'd rather look for that someone.

2006-05-21T08:24:00.000-07:00

You know when you have that kind of feeling where its like in between your stomach and upper part of your body, near your heart, lungs and blah blah, ya, Ive been having those butterfly-ry feelings the whole day, and I have no idea what to make out of it, its the kind of feeling thatd keep you up the whole night cause your hearts just beating too fast and so much is just going through your brain and you need some time to process it all. You just toss and turn in bed and just need something to hold on to just to feel up all the emptiness you feel inside. Its as if you’d just drift and fall fast and hard if you dont get a grip soon. Ya, Ive been having a lot recently, and its seriously starting to freak me and piss me off at the same time, I remember the last time I had one of such was when I found out about my parents and all the mess that followed after that, but now? What? I guess its because of you then, even though I so want to put you out of my life, I just dont have the courage to face reality and I everyday I just waste my time thinking about you and what youd be doing. And at night, ill just reminisce about what used to be, that I know, would never be again. All the times when you whispered in my ear that id be yours and you the same, I just want to erase every memory of that so badly. It was as if everything I lived for, breathed for, seeked for, was just to hear you say that to me, and just for that split second that fleeting moment, I felt complete. But in reality, a split second isnt exactly that long; it was just a once off fling I guess. Youve got to quite playing, before youre left with nothing, except your shadow and regrets to haunt you.

I guess in life you have to take some things in your stride and move along when everything right seems wrong. Im just feeling super confused, messed up and mixed up now. Everything Ive been rooting for just goes wrong and Im left all alone, is that how its suppose to be? Am I suppose to be fighting a losing battle? I just wish for the 2 and half years to pass quickly and soon enough Id be out of this fucked up house. Away from you and everything you want me to be, everything you expect from me. Im not you and I hope you realize that Im human too, just like you, Im turning away from you, just like what you did to me and the rest of the family. Im not perfect and youre not either. Ill always regard you with respect but Ill never ever be like you.

I lay myself in the dusts of death.

2006-05-17T04:16:00.000-07:00

went to heaven
couldn't get in
because of the things i've done
i said"please take me."
GOD said "you're crazy, you had too much fun."

yes people,YES, i haven't been blogging for many many lighyears, haha. okay, today shall be like a super long one then;) and at least im kinda in the mood la, cos i didn't go to school today and had movie marathon with my very DEAR BRO of mine, we watched, KILL BILL VOL.2, BATMAN BEGINS, SPIDERMAN 2, and some other dumb show which i can't remember, oh ya, now i recall, DODGEBALL. bloody stupid show, the niggar in the show was like called ,MICHELLE? wtf la, haha, but it was kinda funny and spastic all at the same time,PLUSplus, all the movies were pirarted and the bloody SPIDERMAN 2 had like people passing POPCORN and PEOPLE WALKING AROUND TO GO TO THE DAMN TOILET, grr!! haha.oh and a quote from DODGEBALL. scene- woman kissing another woman!
the other two men were like " i told she was LESBIAN!"
woman takes her lips away from the other woman and walks up to the guy
" hey im not a LESBIAN okay? im BI-SEXUAL!" + grabs guy by the mouth and
starts kissing him.
me and my bro were like__________________________________________________________________________________
TOTALLY MAN!! haha\
okay, i shall quieten down now cos im like gonna tag bout something reallyREALLY serious, yupp, and after this i shall not and WILL NOT talk about it, breath about it, think about it.

i know we had a fun time and i know you stole my heart and nevr knew you did, well, im saying that i can and CAN live without you in my thoughts, you became a part of me that i never knew and surprisingly i can just take that part away from myself, all the memories, would just be memories and would stay that way, im turing away from you, and im nevr EVER coming back. im sorry. but you hurt me first, and this ain't fair at all.

TO CHERINE AND ASIQ!!! my two very DEAREST FRIENDS IN THIS WORLD, i can say that i really appreciate you two ALOT, and nothing i say can measure the appreciation i have for you two:D

2006-05-10T00:31:00.000-07:00

tiffany says: wah!!! hot ah hot ah! steam ah steam ah!!
cherine says: hahahaha, i agree! totally
tiffany says: hot LUH!!!! can you help me?! & stop saying you agree!
cherine says: what luh?!?! i agree what! hot what!
tiffany says: shut up luh, quick help me carry luh. this bowl of noodles is effing hot can!
cherine says: -frowns first. bowl of noodles?? -pauses oh oh OH! (bowl of noodle is hot)
tiffany says: yah luh! then what you think?! you hot ah?!
cherine says: yah, duh. like so obvious can. eh heh heh heh heh .
tiffany says: yah luh, i do find some truth in that. (cherine pulling tiff's ear, thats why she said that) HAHAHAHAHAHAH! hilarious.
asiq's version of R-O-F-L! lol lahhhhhh!
i came up with that, so brilliant of me.
but anyhows, the point of the msg today is:
CHERINE WEE ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hahaha tiffany -cracks up now! baaaaaaahahahahahhahaha! saliva drip drap drop droop drool!

ohkay, talking sensible things now!
today's maths paper 2 SUCK!
it was like sdfnhsilfhjiscnrihascicrhijshfuxwnf;asrohasfhcma! sdjigheithiwcehiuwenwhr!!!jkdsfhslkb!
it suck okay it sucked. it soook or whatever past present plural noun for the word suck!
grrrrr roar! gorilla hits chest! roar bark meow ark woof hee haw tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk.
tiffany -cracks up again & again

& yes tiffany. this is a msg for you!
rejected by her? so what?
its more like she confirmed your over-ness with her.
hahahaha! aint that good?!
you know like, youre over her, & she tells you its impossible.
you go, ah whatever, i knew it long before you so called(with two fingers in the air) told me.
tiffany, change profession.
choose: bimbo/icecream seller/playgrd caretaker
hahaha, i dont know how i came up with that
tiff, rmb, no matter what. twins will be forever
i mean i will be there for you eh heh heh heh
so whenever you feel emo/horny, come find me.
we will share it tgt. but when i feel emo/horn-eh hem, you also must be there hahaha.
(our sch dont have a single hot guy can?!?!) -cherine thinks of the word 'deprived'
(hot girls got luh. i mean girl. singular noun pls. thankq) eh heheh heh heh

i talk too much
oh one more!
when i logged into your account, the first thing i saw: is love real
your blog title, i R-O-F-L totally. so like, cheena emo type sial luh hahahaha!
okay frig, i should stop my nonesense.
gd luck every-birdy for physics & dnt/fNn!

broken english: i now go cook my instant noodle to eat byebye

much<3cherine

2006-05-09T14:22:00.000-07:00

im still awake doing my dumb revision for history and stupid math paper 2, garh! by the looks of it, i don't think i'd be able to sleep already, haha. okay, this has got to go to my damn blog, cos im just too super embarassed to say it to people's faces. the only one who knows is CHERINE, hahaha. okay, i got rejected right in my face on monday, do i soung dejected?? haha, okay, maybe not la, cos i wasn't even feeling sad when she said the big "N O" to me, i had to actually pinch myself to see if it was real. i do actually feel there's something wrong with me, not getting emo like i always do, WHERE'S SIDNEY??? MY EMO PARTNER?? HAHAH,okay. CHERINE, my dear councillor for mind therapy(hurr!) said that" it was because you already knew it was never going to happen and you were just pondering on it, her saying that was just knida of a CONFIRMATION?!?" ya, smth along that lines i guess, okay, until here, i bet all my DEAR READERS are thinking im some sort of LOSER and especially ASIQ KAMAL!! haha, i bet everything i have that you're cracking up now. okay. IM a LOSER, and a proud one too, and this is for the FUCKER ANONYMOUS GUY, stop tagging and go some where else to type all your shit remarks. i've been wanting to say this but haven't gotten the ripe opportunity, so just go SCREW OFF YOU FUCKING STRAIGHT BASTARD. okay, i still have wht, 4 more days of exam?? ya. ALL THE WAY!!

i've never let you down
i'll always be arounnd
when you need someone
to catch you when you fall down
im waititng here for you
if you decide you want to
if you want me to stay
then im only a phone call away.

2006-05-06T09:23:00.000-07:00

baby, i love you. i guess all that matters is that.
i really do miss SHI HUI!! ya, if we were still together, today would have been our anniversary, just too bad i guess, really wonder how you are now?
okay,WHY AM I REMINISCING ABOUT THE PAST???
*slaps myself HARD!*

went for badminton on friday and michelle asked me a really good question," when two people are in love, but they just can't seem to get along with each other, when do you know enough is enough?"
well, my answer would be" it never ends"

it alright if you treat me like nothing, i guess im just really used to it already, it's as if im totally numb to it already.
if you run, i'll lose everything and every memory you gave me
i never thought i'd be the one saying this
please don't leave me.
i thought you should know
you're not making this easy.
*take my hand and never NEVER let me go.

2006-05-02T06:55:00.000-07:00

promise me you'd never let me go.

NIKE JOGA 3!! captain- YVONNE
player- CHERINE
player- TIFFANY
today, went home at 9 plus cos was sick and tired and everything not. haha. reached home, mummy went out, so i sneaked out of the house to go cycling. how wonderful, came home and watched anime.fell asleep half way and was awoken by ALETHEA tang's msg. haha. okay, so talked to her on the phone, and for some weird reason, we started talking about VIAGRA. yesYES, viagra!! haha, yeah, i guess she knows more about it now. the stupid 2 PEOPLE were SUPPOSE to come to my house and as i guessed correctly, thay got LOST! AHAH, idiots, how big is seng kang man?? ha.
wah!!! MID YEARS ARE COMING. ooh lala!! for some weird reason, im not even worried about it, how perfectly wonderful is that people? haha. all i can think about is NIKE JOGA 3. can't wait to beat AMANDA BANANA!!! hahaha, sorry amanda, that's the way it goes. haha. heard JASMINE is also playing:) hahah. i would sooo love to watch that man!

i'll love you no matter what.
and it doesn't matter if you don't
cause you're always on my mind.

2006-04-30T02:39:00.000-07:00

yesterday went cycling with SOMEBODY horr?? hahah. idiot, next time wanna go cycling tell me earlier la. we cycled like from seng kang to ang mo kio then to sreangoon and then beck to seng ang. hahha. idiotic girl,spank you ass man, make me so damn tired. hahha. i like fell asleep during sermon today. all thanks to you, dodobird!! hahah.was damn fun right?? just that it was damn cold and you had to borrow my favourite addidas jacket:( hope you don't dirty it man. hahha.
past few days have been kind of depressing la. cos SOMEONE like keep ignoring me or something, everytime say wanna call but you never do, okay, i won't blame you for that. i also won't expect you to feel the same way as i do. but won't you just give me a chance to prove myself worthy?? why do you keep getting angry with me and ignore me, even saying that im sorry gets you totally pissed ff. is this how it ends? with nothing more to say but just a simple telephone call, and you leave me here, nothing at all.
not only did this cause me to feel gloomy the whole week, i had serious flu and cough, and i was like mourning on my bed, looking damn pathetic, daddy came home and was like looking at me lke i was some sort of alien or something, "you on DRUGS or something?" i was like wtf........, never would i take drugs man, as in NEVER! then he had to ask me what's wrong with me, and before i could answer, my stupid dumb brother was like" girlfriend dump her la!!" my dad's face was like totally -.- can. hahah. was super funny la, but couldnt laugh cos i wasn't in the mood at that time.

had church today, and i never did realise how nice chloe's legs were.and chloe if you're reading this, DON'T SMILE TO YOURSELF!! haha.k. you were like wearing fbts and your legs were like--------------- damn it nice, i was totally blinded and enticed by it. haha.k la,wait darrel kill me or smth. got to go now. going to play stupid ball game with my baby cousin;)

i won't tell you how to feel
but i'll tell you how i feel

2006-04-27T07:29:00.000-07:00

RUN.JUMP.SCREAM

should i just forget you?
"this kind of girls still confirm like boys one la, you're at the losing end." - as said by my very dear twin CHERINE.
well should i listen to her?
sometimes i just sit on my bed and think to myself " WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?"
i always tell myself that i can refrain myself from talking to you, but i always fall short and end up going back to you like some desperate bitch.
you're not making this easy.

2006-04-24T13:11:00.000-07:00

pass few days have been really really fun. haven't been blogging bcause waseallyREALLLY busy and always reached home late. went for the VICTORIA JC DANCE CONCERT on saturday. three words to describe it, hot hot and HOT! all the dancers were like----------------------- they were super good la, especially CLARE!!! hahah, didn't even know she could dance so well! it ended at bout 9, almost 10. went for dinner with owen and joel, they were super retarded and lame la, but oh well, we reached home at 1 a.m and i actually told the taxi driver to drive carefully, how thoughtful! hahahaha.
next day went for the indoor stadium thing, oh ya, i saw my primary school bestie, she like kind of turned bung, was really weird la, cos i think she's PB, okay, if you don't know what's that, ask me personally. haha, due to explicit content, i can't type it out.
the whole bloody service was in chinese!!! and later translated. me and daryl were like trying to translate it into english before the translater did it, was super funny! the people behind kept asking us to shutup. hahah.
met you on friday and monday, haha. was fun la, but damn pai seh man, wouldn't dare go back to your gym anymore. hahha. and your sis is SUPER cute, though she's kind or vulgar, thanks to you i guess, haha. i owe you 5 bucks!! must rmb!

i promise
we'll be just fine
this time
if you take my hand tonight.

2006-04-20T06:02:00.000-07:00

how can anything end when it didn't even start?
today had school and was rather long and draggy, just really gald that i got through it perfectly fine.
well, other then that asiq kept calling me daughter or GERARD and raefaath telling us that he pranked call some vegetarian restaurant and asked for beef, it was alrighht la. went for tuition and then badminton training.
was in a super fucked up mood, i hit the racket so hard that the strings came out. fucking pissed and irritated. well, i am exhausted and tired of something that i know will never and would never happen. when all hope is gone, we move along and try to pick up the broken pieces that got shattered throughout everything. when everything's made to be broken, i just want you to know who i am. so quite playing games.
met michelle at her house void deck, was damn tired so went to her house to sleep, was having a slight fever, so she towelled me, okay, im really grateful for that michelle.thank you! ate at her house cos her mummy made me, okay, was damn weird la, cos her dad was home, and i don't usually talk to her dad and he was just staring at me. totally weirded me out. my mum kept calling me and i went home at 8.50, called asiq and called you, didn't pick up and still calling.....
is this how it goes and nothing happens anymore.
just cry and jump then.

2006-04-18T06:16:00.000-07:00

came home at 5.30 plus
was like freaking tired or something because i slept at 3 last night, was doing my stupid chem and math 10 year series.
okay,so i walked into the house and the first thing my mum did was to look at me for bout 7 secs without saying anything.
"you should do smth bout your hair, you look like a monkey?!?"
.............. like wtf man, instead of saying hi or smth, she called me a MONKEY??? okay, can't blame my mum, maybe that's her way of expressing her love to me. hahaha. oh well, that just means another visit to the hairdresser i guess. i seriously have no idea what made her say that. how awfully weird!!
didn't like talk to you the whole day, it's kind of sad that i love you more than you do, and i can't even feel or know what's going on in your mind. more than ever, i need to know the real you, or are you just using me? i really don't wanna think of that.
baby, your life may be full of trials and complications
but i'm willing to bear all of it with you
if only you would let me love you.

a depraved and cynical mind*

take away that gloom from my face

2006-04-15T05:50:00.000-07:00

i remember when
you came with me that night
you said forever
you would never
let me go.

yesterday was MUMMY AND CHERINE'S birthday!!! okay, HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY to the two very dear paople in my life,
mummy, if it weren't for you. i wouldn't be here.
cherine, if it weren't for you, i wouldn't have survived secondary school life:)
ate at suntec for lunch and sushi tei later that day with cherine and the whole gang of people.
okay, asiq, junming and emest, we all have a terrible confession to make. we deeped the cherry's you all ate, into soya sauce!! haha, actually we wanted to put it in wasabi la, thanks to the dumb waitress, she took it away-.- but anyhow, you all didn't even realise, so nvm. hahaha
went home at 10 plus plus and still had to do dumb math hmwk for miss goh. talked to you, but your ah gong started scolding, msg and your daddy confiscated it, how wonderful!! haha. arrgh!!
where are you when i need you so badly?

2006-04-12T08:13:00.000-07:00

imma feeling like some sort of shit hole now
was expecting to be in a better mood today because of your msg yesterday"hahaha. you look cute in your recent post."
well, was really happy. but it kind of disappeared after a while.
school was okay actually. was kind of fun la. and i did smth dumb, that was to apologise to mdm see, like wtf was i thinking man??
nvm, what's done's DONE.
okay, i tried talking to you, but for some reason, it felt different. i never did talk properly to you after that. beacuse, it was either you were busy or just didn't want to talk or just wanted me to keep saying sorry. welll, can i ask you smth? what am i to you?
i don't wanna feel paranoid or be one, i hate this feeling of being left and stuck in the middle of smth. just stranded there. when i don't know what to feel or say, what am i to do when i don't even know what's going on with you.take me to the place you cry from...
well, my mum slapped me today,
she started talking to me about sex and unnatural sex with the same gender, i was extremely irritated and i was kind of rude to her la. i mean, do i look like i've had sex before?? just LOOK AT ME!!!! like wth man, oh well, i just said smth really rude, and next moment her hand landed on my cheek. well. what's a girl to do?? just misunderstood i guess.
talking to chloe kind of helped abit. haha. i miss talking to her. im drinking vodka now, how wonderful, im sure im gonna get a hangover tmr morning. ugh!! who cares?? NOBODY!

can i be the shoulder you cry on?

2006-04-11T06:36:00.000-07:00

today is OFFICIALLY twin's BLUE day!!!, or rather triplets la, cos kah ray is also feeling down. and cherine too. so we were all in a bloody blue mood. how wonderful.today was really shitty for me. yeah. not only did i restrain myself from talking you, i had to take drastic measures, like give my phone to rachel, and only get it back at 2.30. well, i was bloody pissed because i got scolding from the freaking SEE shit. she is like damn nabe cbai la. go eat shit and die la!!! knn!. okay, imma getting too vulgar. hahaha.oh well. do you think i care??? NO!!
the only high points today were that. i was able to talk to cherine,kah ray, siew hong, and ASIQ!! im really proud of you. and i don't mind putting it in my post. hahaha
not only did you stay for the whole school day, you actually stayed until 6!!! okay, imma proud to be your friend man!! haha.

oh well, im sorry baby, that i said things i didn't mean. will you still take me back?

i'll be waiting.

is saying that i miss you enough to make up for the things i said?

im making a huge mistake.

2006-04-10T07:17:00.000-07:00

i didn't think i'd get in so deep, and now i can't out of it. well its my own fault i guess, i just wasn't thinking straight. how could you ever fall for a person like me? im just blind, blinded by you.
i've made up my mind , not to talk to you anymore,and i think i can do that. it's gonna be difficult, but i'll try. like you said. nothing is impossible if i want it to be possible.
well, you make me strong, but i guess it just wasn't real.
wo hui fu ze ren de
but, i change my mind.

you're not worth my taking chances for.

tonight as i stare out into the starless sky
i know its different because you won't be there anymore

im the hugest mistake in my life.

2006-04-09T08:32:00.000-07:00

maybe i was just hallucinating. am i really feeling butterflies or am i just high on cough syrup?

baby you know we were meant to be, but things don't turn out the way we wanted it tobe
it's easier to fake it than to embrace it.

i miss you*

2006-04-04T08:50:00.000-07:00

Sleeping is kind of getting difficult for me to handle, it's never once when I just decided to sleep properly and you just creep into my subconscious mind. Its like I've known you for so long and I don't even know how you look. Being able to talk to you is almost unimaginable; to see you is a time I really look forward to.
You're making me feel all weird inside and queasy
Our first song together, britney spears- everytime

When I made up my mind and my heart along with that,
To live not for myself
But i forgot somebody said
Do you know what you are getting yourself into?

I'm getting into you, because you got to me
In a way words can't describe
I'm getting into you
Because I've got to be
Your essential to survive
Im gonna love you with my life.

You said,
I love you and that's what you are getting yourself into.

am i falling in love with a stranger?

am i losing it?

2006-04-02T06:52:00.000-07:00

i woke up with you on my mind, i just couldn't get you off my mind.
clock reads 2.30 a.m
whats that kind of feeling where you drift in and out of your sleep bacause your mind is just preoccupied with something.
well, i didn't sleep the whole night.

i'm angry with all the wrong people
i should be angry with you.

why am i not?

i ask myself everyday.

2006-03-24T08:21:00.000-08:00

Im such a bitch, a screw up and a joke. I think my life ambition would be to screw up my whole life and other peoples. Why didnt I get the signs you were trying to tell me? Why was I so ignorant, dumb and stupid? So many times when you were trying to get my attention and I pulled you away readily. Why didnt I see it coming that all those lies you said, were just so that you could feel comfortable around me and that I could accept you. All the times when you were sad and vulnerable, I just pushed you away and treated you coldly. I never thought I could make you live again and at the same times, be the same person to kill your soul for eternity. your calls were always like a daily ritual and I used to find them really irritating, but deep down inside you know I really do miss those times when we would talk endlessly about everything and anything, the thing is I really do miss you a lot. I should have gotten all your hints and your constant presence around me everywhere I went.
That gift, how I wish I had gotten it for you. I wish I could do these things all over again with you. I wish I could be the one youre crying on now, I wish I could be the one to make you smile, the one to listen to everything you wanna say, rent all the anger you have inside on me. I wish I never had said those hurtful words or the one who hurt you so much. But I did.
Now that youre gone, and things that I wanna say cant be said no more
I just want to say Im sorry
I' ll take my chance with you.

euphoria

2006-03-22T03:41:00.000-08:00

all the foolish things you said ring in my mind
empty promises and broken truths
i'm sorry for all the times when i didn't ever take you up for your word
things are in the past now
maybe there'd be hope for a better tomorrow
baby all i wanted was a kiss

i love 4c'06
you guys mean so much to me and i'm so happy that you all happened...
do i sound like imma gonna die??
okay, maybe that was a bit too much. hahahah

too strong for too long

2006-03-05T06:52:00.000-08:00

5 facts that happens to you after you fall for your good friend

1. Don't ever tell him or her that you like them because your friendship, for either side, WOULD never be the same again. Though they said it would -. - But it never does happen, in other words, they're just saying” GO AWAY FROM ME!”

2. When they say they LOVE YOU, they don't LOVE YOU love you, they just want you to shut up.

3. They say that they would care for you forever, when in actual fact, they only care for their boyfriends or girlfriends.

4. NEVER ever be as DUMB as me, to fall for your BESTIES because, they are really SHALLOW when it comes to relationships and they go for ANYONE from the opposite sex (that's a KNOWN fact!)

5. you realize after the whole ordeal, that they aren't really your best FRIENDS, more like best FIENDS. So being alone is the best choice, people hurt you and if you can't take the pain. BE A LONER.

make my life different

2006-03-02T07:04:00.000-08:00

i am not gonna blame YOU or anybody else anymore, im sick of pretending to be something i'm not and i'm DONE and THROUGH with faking everything i do, say and breathe. so here it goes, im gonna do well for my o's and turn my whole life around. all things bad out of my mind and only things that i need to focus on. why should i spend all my time being suicidal and just wallowing in self pity. you're NOT my LIFE and i can clearly say it straight in you face that i DON'T NEED YOU AT ALL! my whole life i've been doing things for people and not myself. i never any instance where i did study because it was my future. all i ever did was blame the people around me for my failures. MUM I'M SORRY FOR STRAYING. i'm sorry for smoking and hurting both myself and you. hope we grow through this experience. i'm sorry for all the times when i said hurful things to you. i'm just crying out to you to understand me and be there when im down and low. i don't want to wait till it's too late to say anything when there's still so much to say.
everything happens for a reason, just like you

radical changes in my life

can i hate you, please?

2006-02-27T07:01:00.000-08:00

i never asked for the sunshine
i never wanted the rain
i never wanted these feelings
or this heart wrenching pain

have you ever loved someone so much you'd give your all?
everything. including you mind, body and soul
and then you realised that it was unrequitted love and you're left writhing in pain and agony.
well im happy if you are
just remember you made me cry.

this isn't worth it
i shouldn't have met you

strange-

2006-02-23T05:53:00.000-08:00

okay everybody, today's topic would be about women's breast
yes! you got me right.WOMEN'S BREAST.
no la, get you excited only,hahaha
the key word today would be VELOUPTIOUS
the question is why women love implants and silicon in their boobs
wouldn't they harden??
okay, make a guess, WHERE DID PARIS HILTON'S DOG GO WHEN HE WENT MISSING.
im sure you have no idea, you know why
because me and CHERINE came up with a brilliant conclusion.
PARIS HILTON HAD IMPLANTS ALMOST THE SAME TIME HER DOG WENT MISSING.
so, she must have stuffed her dog into her boobs so that they WON'T HARDEN, LOOK NATURAL AND allow herself TO FEEL CLOSER TO HER DOG.
hahaha.
CHERINE AND TIFFANY ARE BRILLIANTS!

GOD, oh GOD i needed you

2006-02-19T06:23:00.000-08:00

just came back from dinner
went to SCIENCE CENTRE today!!!
haha, haven't been there since like sec 1, the whole place change alot la,there was this water world thing and there were little ang mo kids running around in their swim suits, super darn cute.
oh, i forgot,i went with SIEWWWY AND ASIQ aka: the FARTSTER.hahah
yes everyone, asiq has a confession to make, he FARTED in the mrt, he's just super embarrassed to tell anyone, come on asiq, farting in public is normal, no need to be ashamed.haha
narh la, he didn't fart la, it was someone else who farted and the whole freaking mrt became damn smelly!! phui!!
we reached the science centre at 1 plus,so we bought the entry fee which we thought were actually free, okay, so times have chnaged, policemen used to wear shorts, so ya.
we got in and played some really cukoo stuff la.asiq like some freaking small kid, alot of things never see before
oh ya!!!!! we were frightenned by some stupid fake iguana, it was damn RANDOM la, haha.the stupid tongue just sticked out so suddenly.
oh and we learnt something new, that CORALS HAVE SEX.isn't that interesting?? haha quite gross though, they had a videos of how sharks, seals and corals have sex, so ya. but the videos were quite sick, instead of turning people on it makes people feel totally disgusted.haha
oh, and finally i got to see the balls thing and asiq had an idea what to do for his dnt project. after we got bored, we went outside to play some dumb thing, like a see saw or something, oh we had to lift this 200kg thing, and there were many ropes from different distances, we tried to pull the one nearest to the metal box, we were just hanging there like hell la, hahaha,our hands were damn funny, we just laughed like hell and the idiotic act mat asiq was disturbing some bangla boy, the boy's eyes were so big and dark,haha
oh well, all in the above were meant to be CONFIDENTIAL so that SOME PEOPLE wouldn't know[cherine- subtle enough??] heh heh

went for church after that and all three of us took a cab. the uncle was a bit cookoo in the brain la. talking so much, i tell you, if i ever have a friend like him, my chinese would improve like hell man. i actaully gave all the directions in chinese, how wonderfully amazing eh,haha.if ZL hears this her hair would definitely grow curly again,hahah.
and the uncle kept thinking asiq was a chinese and i was a guy.oh wtf.

i was losing myself to somebody else
but now i see
i don't wanna pretend so this is the end of you and me

michelle

2006-02-15T14:28:00.000-08:00

Woke up this morning wondering what day it was. Was dreading this day a lot and wasnt even intending to think about it. Went to school with a heavy heart. Its really weird, nowadays; I get really angry and sad at the same time. I get such weird emotional roller coasters very often and its getting really unbearable.
Went to school and didnt think Id survive if it werent, for school friends. I have no idea what Id do without them.
*Cherine!! Drink the egg yolk eh!! Hahaha
Went out with Michelle for Valentines Day, cause I have no one to go with, and same for her, so we just went out for old time’s sake. I only gave her a stalk of rose and she gave me a freaking bouquet. So I walked around town with a bouquet in my hand, like wtf. We went to suntec to eat cause town was damn crowded, it was filled with gays la, its like on valentine’s day, all the gays come out and play, damn revolting, alot of public show of affection. Sick.
We ate at some restaurant, which I forgot already, Haha, damn difficult to pronounce the name la. Oh yar, we ate some sort of Japanese food, damn a lot of food, siao la, the stupid Michelle tang wan ting. Haha. Oh, we ordered sukei, some Jap alcohol; it was super nice, its definitely nicer than the English drinks. We ate tori and some other food, and the stupid girl didnt know how to use a freaking chopstick, she was like holding a pen, eat also dont know how to eat properly, darn funny, we were like the only two people who were laughing the loudest in the restaurant. I had like to feed her. Ugh!!
As usual, the waiters in Singapore would always call me sir, like wtf!! I should really try to get used to such people calling me a man. After I PAID!! Hahaha, we went to walk around and went to turn the stupid machines outside carefour, she was freaking obsessed with dogs with the stupid exploded hair, I think they are called afrokens, they actually have a name for such stupid stuff, anyway we turn the dumb thing twice and I got a blue and she got a pink, so I took the pink one and she got the blue.
We sat at the fountain and just talked a lot, I told her everything that was happening with, I told her about YOU AND HIM and other stuff, Michelle was damn nice la, she made me cry, freak her man. I LOVE YOU MICHELLE!!! And she told me about her ex trying to get back with her and how her ex was really damn scary, stalking her and everything, said I must come protect her, wait she kenna rape. Haha, like who the hell would wanna rape her man. Hahahaha.
Walked to the mrt station cause we had to go to Chinatown and get her stupid traditional clothes cause her aunty from CHINA was coming down, and to make her feel at home, all had to dress like her, can you imagine one whole group of people wearing those Chinese qi pao, walking on the streets, like damn wtf. Hahahaha.
We dropped off at Chinatown and I had to go a separate way from her cause I had to go to the church. The stupid girl just kissed me in front of one whole crowd of people, it was like not on the cheek, practically on the mouth itself, was darn shock la. Hahaha. All the ang mo’s were like” hey dude, do it somewhere else, we have to walk man”
To put you behind me and move on
Just take good care of her
And I’ll be alright
I so hate consequences
Running away from you is my best resort

Afroken on my mind.

i don't wanna pretend no more

2006-02-09T07:27:00.000-08:00

"tiffanyyyyyyyyy!!!! can you help me here??!/"
okay, my mum was like standing on the stool and i have no idea what the hell she was trying to do,but she was lkie falling off already, hanging on to just three bamboo sticks, and she was expecting me to like fly up and rescue her?!?
okay, so i try my best to reach for the bamboo sticks and because im short,i fall short and both of us fall straight onto the ground,i can definitely not make it as a super hero of any sort.haha
today in school we had debate for english,it was damn farnie,the guys were like totally not prepared at all,ESPECIALLY THEIR THIRD SPEAKER,uhhum uhhum!!
asiq was darn funny man, he actually said in his speech that we had to go research ourselves to prove that GUYS ARE NOT SHALLOW,okay,its quite obvious what the research proved right?? that guys ARE SHALLOW.
the debate caused some of the girls to like really get into fights with some of the guys in our class, like wtf!! its just a friggin' debate .haha
OH YARR, meng yee came up to me and said"tiff!! you are my idol!!,even ming chu said that she doesn't want daphne already, she wants YOU!!"
i was like__________________________okay.....
we had dnt after 2.30 and cherine was being a freaking maniac, trying to act like russel peters and denny both at the same time, so u can imagine how shittified it was,haha.
oh,and our relive or relief teacher,wth!! i don't know hao to spell,any way
haah,the TEACHER was darn weird man, cos asiq and clearance went to smoke and there was the smell
the teacher walked up to them and said,"i smell loco loco" wtf is loco loco,hahaha
anyway,he was seriously damn weird,he told us bout lee kuan yew being caned cos he came to school late,like wth!!! do we look like we wnt to know???hahah

i can't pretend anymore
i don't want to be that strong person you think i am
i break and i can't take it anymore
just tell me to stay or leave
quit playing games

die

2006-02-07T06:01:00.000-08:00

okay,today i woke up with a huge headache and had things just bogging into my mind. it's like someone screwed freaking nails into my head and i was just groaning in total agony. i couldn't sleep last night. kept thinking about YOU and HIM.maybe i'll really never get a chance.i can't believe that he would do such a thing. you know what.I FUCKING DON'T CARE ANYMORE. you can be with him and give birth to fucking ugly bastards and bitches and i wouldn't even care.
i cried the whole night.
you can tell me that you love me
those are just words
you can tell me you don't need me
and i know that hurts
cause im looking at your picture
that's all i've got
maybe one day you and me would have
one more shot.

identity crisis

2006-02-02T02:45:00.000-08:00

"hello!! happy new year"im in one of the houses of the grandaunties that i meet like once a year,which is only on chinese new year,so yarr...i don't really remember their names or how they look,well....u can't blame me,they all look the same,YOU HAVE TO DEFINITELY agree with me.
anyway...here i am,in the house and one of the aunties come to where my whole family was sitting.
goes up to my sister"WAH!!! PRETTY ARH...YOUR DAUGHTER VERY PRETTY,GOT BOTFRIEND OR NOT??"
she is,i think a bit deaf,so that kind of explained her huge exclamation.that was quite a shocker,what shocked me even more was when she came up to me and took my face in both her hands and started squishing my cheeks!!
"WAH!!!HANDSOME BOY ARHHH......DAWN!! U REALLY LUCKY!!"
everybody around me starts laughing...i turn a scarlet red and say softly that im a girl....but because of everybody laughing around me,i guess it made her have much more difficulty hearing me
"HOW OLD IS HE??"------>points at me and smiles.ugh!!
my mum replies saying"SHE is 16 this year"
"WOW!!! 2 MORE YEARS AND HE IS GOING ARMY ALREADY....GOOD!!"
okay,so oh well,she just didn't get it....
the only good thing that she saw me as boy is that she gave me more money in my ang pao than she did we the other two
"ARMY IS GOOD!! MUST GEAR UP FOR IT!!" and i just stand there like an idiot.
the whole freaking time i was there,i was trying to like show my feminie side,and she just didn't get it!!!
oh well.can't blame her,besides...its only once a year

tuesday!
CHERINE!! didn't come to school today....sad sia...but nvm,i had ELAINE!!!
i realised a few things bout elaine
1. she looks like a puppy!! haha
2.she likes green!
3.she gets jokes real slowly!
4.she gets hungey very easlily and craves for the weirdest things ever!
5.she's CHERINE'S GOOD FRIEND!
okay,the last one was dumb cos i had no more facts bout her to write about.
so,we had the most fun poa lesson ever!! me,yujie and her,were sitting at the back and were talking bout yujie's fav colour,BROWN.yes cherine!!! BROWN!
haha,and elaine was like,"why don't you make everything bout you brown.......hair brown,skin brown,,,,blahh blahh!"
i was switching off already until she came to the part where she said"you don't have to make your NIPPLES BROWN cos the already are...."
and me and yujie were like wth!!!
okay,so elaine can rwally be funny and make jokes if she wants!
and she was telling me during recess about e chinese stall,how the fry the egg an hoe runny and nice the egg yolk is....OMG!!! cherine,you really have corrupted her.hahah

confessions of a nut tree

2006-01-27T18:41:00.000-08:00

okay.everyone ,as promised
haha,i FINALLY have the MELON PIC
OOOH LALAA.
OKAY,this is soft porn okay
imean.not even porn lar,we are all fully clothed,its quite funny actually,cos u can't see my face,which is hidden from the cam cos im laughing lile hell!!!

okay,back to life.
im STILL SICK
but at least a bit okay lar
haha
cherine was damn funny on thurs man.she started singing the cny song in ENGLISH
friggin' funny man.i swear its worst then listening to ge tai.hahaa
oh well what are twins for if they don't make fun of each other eh!!!
haha
friday____
went out after school with charlene and some of the netball juniors,why??
because nobody wanted to go out with me D;
NO LAR
just felt really bored and tired so decided not to go home change and go play pool.
haha
okay this is the part that's most shocking
SHI HUI CAME BACK IN SOME HALTER AND JEANS
it seriously freaking HOT
like all your hormones just start raging like hell man
haha
okay.....now im lying on my bed trying to cool down a bit
hahah

taking your hand in mind
i could feel u on me and the groan of pleasure was unmistakable
i knew u were mine for all eternerty

i'm friggin' sick!!

2006-01-23T06:55:00.000-08:00

monday_
today,i went home AT 10.11
ISN'T THAT WODERFUL!!!
i mean,i always go home at what___6 p.m
ha.
okay the reason why i went home so early was that
i was as sick and dead as a LOG
a big fat brown log!!
haha

oh,im sooo touched that CHERINE actually missed me.haha
how was chinese lesson without me eh.bet you almost died.
u idiotic girl.i don't care,im gonna make u confess to me no matter what.
even thogh i'll just laugh until i die or wtv,i'm stiil GONNA MAKE U TELL!!!
heheh.but considerring that u actullay missed me,i'm gonna vote for you during prom,
hahaa,WORLD PEACE WORRZXZXZ!~!!!!
okay.i think i'm like friggin' high.i just ate three medicine that said"may cause drowsiness"
but i don't even feel a bit drowsy at all.
isn't that WONDERFULL!!!!
OH GOSH!!! why am i talking like mr low???
maybe i'll start naming my future kids from the periodic table too!!
hahah

oooohhhhh.....i think i can go on forever!!!!
im typing at the speed of 10 words per 2 secs
is that fast

no school.no school.no school.no school.......
i should really start this revolution for ppl who seriously ahte going for poa lessons
i sooooo wanna drop poa
mdm see.though 'hot IS SATURATING ME AND KILLING EVERY BRAIN CELL LEFT IN MY WOODY LOG BODY
UGH!!!!

i really wanna die.................'

the kiss of a lifetime

2006-01-22T05:34:00.000-08:00

saturday_
woke up late for tp open-.-
can u imagine my panic
and my sis was just worried bout not being able to see olinda and sly
ugh!! stupid dope

okay,so we wnet to tp and met my friends
ASIQ,EMEST,JN MING,MELVIN,CHERINE,ELAINE,QIAO LING AND MI LAOGONG yu jie
hahaaha
we watched the most disastrous fashion show ever
all the models looked constipated and fake
really gross
it makes sarah from america's top model look professional and hot
ahah

after that,went to tm and ate before heading for church
oh yar!!!
my sis and me were on the train
and oppossite us were two girls
or rather
one girl and a SHIM!!!!
haha,if u knw wad i mean,or cherine would love to call then BOY BUTCH or BOY BITCH

after yf,me and cherm went to eat at taka
at the staircase
we ate
sushi.the balls or meat balls or wtv it is lar and some pretzel thingy
damn fanie,CHERMAINE CAN'T TELL A BUNG FROMA GUY!!!!
that's definitely news
we met sidney after that
i miss MY DADDY!!!!
and he got a bloody 3g phone
asshole.
we met my sis and OWEN at FOOD REPUBLIC
that idiot bought a 6 dollars hokkein mee
idiot
oh oh!!! he also bought some 245dollar shirt from urbanmale
cao rch bastard

this is something that happened in the mrt
girls zoom pass him
owen"ZOOOMBIE FREAKS!"
sidney"its ZOMBIE, without double M"
uhh!!!!!

everyone stares at both of them
wth!! wan to correct also dnt knw how to say properly

went home at 12 and slept at 2
u on my mind the whole time

there's got to be more to life

2006-01-12T06:04:00.000-08:00

have you ever day dreamed in class
well if u have NEVER
then, you're seriously weird.
okay.the other dy,i was day dreaming in class,during ZHANG LIAN'S lesson[as usual]
okay,she was going through some compre,and was like asking ppl to copy some stuff down
while i was just in my sit.staring at the empty space in front of me,thinking of dont knw wth!!
so,me happily daydreaming,suddenly,ZHANG LIAN'S voice just screams into my ear drums
(this part is all translated from chinese to english)
"TTIIFFAANNYYY!!" stares at me with those scary protruding eyes which she tries really hard to open as WIDE as possible,but falling short by alot." II AMMM AT THISSS PAGE ALREADYY!!" flips many pages to go to the actual page,which is about 5 pages away from my actual page.

okay,that was SUPER embarrasing!! i mean,everyone started laughing.ZE HAN actually said"TIFF U ROCKS!!"
okayy..... wth!!

i dreamt of u last night
your face kept appearing in my mind the whole day
the taste of your mouth still lingering in mine
there's got to be more to life than just you

my butt hurts!!!

2006-01-01T18:21:00.000-08:00

hmm.....im really suffering from the after effects of my bright ideas to go cycling with sid,oh gosh!! my butt really does hurt.
okay,guess how i spent my first few hours of new years day
come on
guess...
okay,youre too dumb,nvm,i shall tell u then.

me.DARYL.SIDNEY.ENSHEN.AND THE CHINA HOOKER(huijia) went to liang hui's hse after the dinner thingy at THE NEPTUNE(tada!!)
haha.okay.me and sid decided to go cycling,FIRSTLY,because i was talking to BERNICE during the time we were suppose to be in THE NEPTUNE(tada!) and playing sparklers with CHERMAINE ans SIDNEY,i missed out on dinner and i was really hungry.SECONDLY,sidney was staying over and had no clothes,so we had to go to his hse,THIRDLY,we had to buy LIANG BEI(WHO SID CALLS,"that small girl") some chocs for allowing us to use her bike,FOURTHLY, we had to have some fresh air!
okay,so there we were heading to the coffeeshop to have our supper and then... SIDNEY realised that he had no BRAKES.so okay.he has a LONG LEGS so stop him.haha,MY DADDY SO STRONG!! goggles goggles!!
haha
he bought the drinks and i bought WANTON NOODLE AND DUMPLING SOUP.how healthy is that!!haha.he bought some china apple drink and green tea,WHICH he mixed together,and it tasted damn gross!! loke apple and jasmine and evertthing in it.YUCK!!! oh,and MY STRONG DADDY,dirtied his shirt while eating the wanton noodle!!! haha,I THINK marmie didn't train him well enough.oh.tell u a secret,he's not potty trained!!!! hahaha, just kidding.
after that,we went to the nearest bustop so he could take off his shirt and cycle shirtless.ASSHLOE.haha.i think it was so gross that no wonder the taxi uncle honked at him! haha
oh.and he tried to race me.but ,eventually,i won,cos i had brakes and was and wasn't SHIRTLESS!but he won when we had to go up the FRIGGIN' HILL. my bike was a really lousy stuntbike,damn heavy!!! okay,and yes,we almost got caught by a police who was on patrol.so damn scary!!
we cycled to his house and i cldn't go up cos auntie serene was home.so i waited for him downstairs,asked him to bring me a t- shirt cos my shirt was damn hot and wet with sweat.so yar,i told him to get me a BIG shirt.cos i wanted it to be airy. BUT!!! as dumb as he always is,he brought me a t-shirt as big and long as a dress,he couldn't even wear it,and expecting me to wear it.okay.fine! i wore it in the end and changed right in the open,NO!!! SIDNEY wasn't there.haha
after that we cycled to 7-11 to get the chocs and we went back after that.
damn hell shack man!!!
oh,we went back and watched mean girls and cinderalla story,and HUIJIA was being a friggin' asshole by biting me and irritating because the volume was really low. and she wanted me to turn it up,when IT WASN'T EVEN WITH ME!!
after that,my parents brought us home at bout 5.30.owen came along
went home to sleep after tht\
was 6.30 when i slept
ugh!! how fruitful eh!

you start to think of the beginning,in the end

2005-12-27T23:41:00.000-08:00

you know when you have that kind of feeling in between your stomach and lungs, somewhere there lar. you get that kind of feeling when you sit on a roller coaster ride or when you're on your first date,or when you have your first kiss.yar,you get my idea.
well,i've been have that feeling for the whloe day now and have no idea what to make out of it.its really weird.
oh well.
as BERNICE said,i'm a WEIRDO
so,that kind of explains.

this year has brought me loads of ups and downs.it has definitely been one hell of a year.
friendships made, some broken. love found and lost.After all that had happened,you sit and recollect all the past events.
things that you never expected to happen,did
and things you did, didn't
you think of all the empty promises you've made,and all the foolish things you've done.you think of all the mean things you've said. but then,you realise that,by calling people fat,it doesn't make you any thinner,calling people stupid, doesn't make you any smarter,. snubbing people,doesn't make you perfect.
so why hurt in the first place,when you're just gonna cause more pain.why be mean and bitchy,when you can be sweet and loving??

from my mistakes,i've learnt to let go.you see things the right eay round
why be someone you're not, when you can be YOU?
why try to fit in,when all you want is to stand out from the crowd?
why say things you don't mean and do things that cause hurt?
why?
WHY?
when you can do the total reverse.

up to here, the feeling is still lingering.ugh!!
okay!! forget about it.i just want to think about my FUTURE not my PAST!

1.do well for o's!
2.never fall in love
3.never take another puff
4.find a really good friend that will ALWAYS be there for me
5.make my mum atleast say ONE good thing bout me

thats all im asking for:D

2005-12-15T00:56:00.000-08:00

christmas outreach
garh!!
and i have to dress as a POLICEMAN
great
all i need now is for my aunt to go
OH!! dawn,u have TWO SONS and a DAUGHTER

i'm sick of the freaking hawkers calling me"XIAO DI"
FIRST OF ALL
i'm not "xiao"
SECOND
I'M NOT"'DI"
gosh,how irritating can that get??

was watching castaway the other night
it is a super bummer show lar
i mean
tomhanks has like so little lines to recite
and imagine
he got a grammy for that
i wanna act in such shows man
i mean,the whole movie he only said atmost15 lines
how dumb is that??
like who is there to talk to when you're stranded on some unknown island with nobody at all

i so wanna act in such retarded movies
get rich and live like a tai tai

haha
okay,i'm definitely day dreaming!! or is it night
haha

the fountain

2005-12-07T00:11:00.000-08:00

i saw u at the fountain that day
u totally took my breath away
i wished i could see u one more time
your face still lingers in my mind
do you think we could meet again?

as uncertain as i was
we did
and on every subsequent friday night
i would see u sitting at the fountain
all by yourself
in deep thought
but still that sweet face of yours hung there

every friday,u would leave a rose behind
and i would pick it up
in rememberrance of the one night of passion
and there
u left me
just like the many numeral flowers u left behind
i was forgotten
and withered
and memories all left at
the fountain

8 months to go

2005-11-27T00:37:00.000-08:00

i already sustained for 1 month without a puff
now i have 8 more months to fully get unhooked from it
ARRGH!!
it so SICKENING!!!
i mean,everytime i smell it
i just need to have it
GOSH!!
withdrawal syndroms
is it what its called??
yeah whatever

oh,i so gonna miss CHLOE when she leaves us
I'M IN AN INKY BLACK MOOD TODAY
don't ask me why

HELLO SINGAPORE!!!

2005-11-16T04:44:00.001-08:00

hello!!
u have no idea how excited i am to be back in SINGAPORE!!
i love SINGAPORE!!
i bet the prime minister must be really happy to hear that
haha

though i do have to admit i quite liked being in thailand
away for 5days
WITHOUT PARENTS!!
haha
okay.im mad

this trip was really FUNNY!!
i mean everyone sort of got really crappy and what more HORNY!!
mad lar
the tour guide, peter,who has extremely terrible english
taught us some thai words
melon=farhkrah(which we call"fuck")
chilli=picglantpa(which we call"pig lampa")
seriosly hilarious man

oh yar
on our second night in some supposed POSH hotel
my friend decided to have a "MELON" video
so guess who was on top of my poor friend
ME!!
how gross can that get??
haha
dun worry ppl. get to see it when i post it on friendster
i don't noe if they consider that as PORN
anyway
we were all FULLY CLOTHED!!!
(i saw that look on your face!!)

surprisingly right
on this trip
i found more gays than lesbians
how cool is that
ha
oh,i got a shock of my life on the last day of our trip
we were shopping in some mall
and i was in this shop trying to get some stuff for my mum
so i saw smth really pretty
i asked the owner how much it was,thinking that 'she' was a woman
but actually a trans!!!!
"its" voice was damn low
how scary is that!!
guess wad my reaction was......i just stood there and stared at "it" for the longest time ever!!

haha
so embarrasing
"it" must probably thinking i fancied "it"
NO WAY!!!!!
so gross!!

seriosly damn funny

oxymoron

2005-11-01T06:34:00.000-08:00

i never did realise how long i haven't blogged
ha,its so damn weird
time just flies by without you noticing it
oh my sis was telling me the other day bout elisa reading this person's blog

she's a bung and she went to her girlfriends house for some kind of party
the party cosisted of 3 other friends,the girlfriend and her sister
all of them just sort of got drunk
and that bung sort of started AH HEM!! her gf
not realising that she was actually raping the gf"s sis
OMG!!
damn GROSS lar
when she rolled over
the bung realised that her gf was next to her
and she was fucking her sis instead
SICK RIGHT!
after i heard that
i was like
EEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!!!

AHAH
food for thought people:D

to my one and only YOU

2005-10-25T05:57:00.000-07:00

this is for my YOU

if u are really u
carry on reading
i really want you to know how i feel bout you

its been three years since
time flies and we don't even realise it

it all started that day
u were like everybody else
why did i think u extraordinary

i'm sorry when there were times when i let u down
i don't think i will be able to make up for all the things i've done

now there's barely any time left to say all the things that i wanted to say before

but all the times we had together will always be rememberred

u taught me how to love and be loved
u took my hand and u brought me to a place i never knew
u were my fairy
uwere my fantasy
u were everything
and now ur gone

maybe ten years down the road
we'll meet at crossroads

and when i look into those brown hazel eyes
i'll see the person that i used to love
but now hardenned by the fact that u will never be mine

baby u will always be a memory
love me for me

i ain't who iam

2005-10-21T03:47:00.000-07:00

maybe i just don't wanna do the same things anymore
it's when u reach this point in your life when u find that everything u ever did in ur life was totally meaninghless
it used to be this important to u
no its________nothing

your so called friends turn their backs on you
one day u have everything
and then u blinked
and everything just disappeared

u were hoping so much for things to work out
u tried to be somebody u weren't
u tried

u failed

what do u do now
now that u have nothing close to what u wished of for

u bury deeper
deeper till its too hard to get out

and then u wonder,
what the hell am i doing here...

high in the morning

2005-10-11T13:12:00.000-07:00

i am like writing this at 4 a.m in the morning cos i woke up to study my chem and freaking maths
but got pissed
so i smoked half a pack of marlboro menthol

i think i'm going to die*

i'm alone in this world

2005-09-26T22:44:00.000-07:00

ever since that day my mum found out i haven't been talking to her AT ALL.
not even looking.
i mean she didn,t really say anything bout my SMOKING stuff.
but she kind of called mt teacher and told him EVERYTHING.
gosh!! i already have one smoking record. i don't think i want another one.

sigh.lifes like that

monday today.9 more days to end of year exams.
haha.seriously dunno hw i'm gonna fair in it.

today was damn farnie lar.
me and asiq decided to smoke in class before going to the com lab for addestation.
SIAO lar!!
our heart beat was like BADUMP BADUMP BADUMP!!
beating damn FAST lar.haha
but nth hpp...

haha,good thing man!!

sigh!! i seriously dunno wad i'm doing with my life.
avoiding my FRIENDS who care for me. going AGAINST MY mum.questioning GOD!!

maybe it is really a mistake that i'm in this world.

quit,quitting ,quitted*

dirty little secret

2005-09-24T03:21:00.000-07:00

Friday*
Woke up at 5 a.m in the morning.
My whole body was aching like mad because I woke up the same position as I slept yesterday.
I had to like lie on my bed for a while before I could start moving again.
Haha
Got out of my bed and found my dad in the kitchen eating YU JA KUEH and drinking COFFEE.
SIAO LAR!! Who wakes up at 5a.m in the morning and eats YU JA KUEH with COFFEE!!
And which stall on earth opens at 5a.m in the morning to sell YU JA KUEH!!
Haha
Anyway, I had nothing better to do, so I took one YU JA KUEH and sat in front of the TV to watch
“ ZHAO AN NI HAO!!” IT WAS DAMN BORING LAR! Haha.so I switched channel and watched some indie movie instead.
Heh!! Kind of found it AMUSING.haha.BUT I SHAN’T CRITISIZE.because it is AFTER ALL my OWN people acting in it!!
Dad came to join me in watching the crappy movie. Then he said that he wanted to talk to me. He told me that he knows it’s hard
trying to be a good girl and stuff like that. He said that he knows it’s difficult trying to live with a mum like my mum and that he
was willing to help me.
I was so TOUCHED I CRIED!!
HAHA.stupid me!!
At least I know that one of my parents care for me… …

Initially decided not to go to school because my left arm was still in spasm.haha.but decided to when I realized that my mum would be home for the WHOLE DAY!! Quick thinking.hehe!

Went to school looking HALF dead.
Kind of drifted through the whole day.
Asiq said that he wanted to meet Sidney to “play games”. So called Sidney to meet us outside our school.
This time YU JIE, RAEFAATH, ASIQ and ME came along. Sidney was late [as usual]. Haha
So we decided to walk to PRIME SUPERMARKET to buy something to eat.
We were all BROKE and we could only afford ICE POPS (which came up to 80 cents) Haha
U can imagine how broke we were. HAHA.
MET SIDBEY ALONG THE WAY.
Played our games~
Asiq and I had to go cause I had CHINESE remedial and ASIQ had to go meet his gf.
Didn’t want to go for stupid remedial, cause YU JIE said that she would help me repierce
But then, TA DA!!(Lightning, thunder, FLASH) ERYN appeared in my brain out of nowhere.
Haha.so decided not to.
I can survive not having a hole in my mouth but I don’t think I can live with her not talking to me.haha

Went back to school only to find out that the STUPID Chinese teacher CANCELLED the remedial!!
So, nvm. Played bball instead, after 2 hours under the sun we were all LOBSTER RED and DRIPPING!!
YUCK!!
Went home after that and slept until TUITION.
Sigh!! I’m tired.

Thursday*
Had Chinese oral, the topic was about MAIDS (like DUH!!)
Anyway, I was so NERVOUS that I told the Chinese teacher that my CHINESE SUCKS.
She started laughing really loud.
This only means 2 things.
What I said was REALLY THAT funny.
my Chinese really SUCKS!!
Haha.
Had to endure 5 to 7 mins of oral before I met ASIQ to go meet Sidney outside our school.
That IDIOT WAS LIKE SMOKING OUTSIDE OUR SCHOOL!!
When there were like POLICEMEN in our SCHOOL!!
HAHA.
We went to play games while CHERMAINE decided to walk around the ROOF TOP GARDEN.HAHA
After that we went to cp to study,
We met JASMINE THERE!!
Chermaine couldn’t recognize her cause she did not look as nerdy as her yearbook photo.
Haha.I’M MEAN!!

I was damn tired to I decided to go home first.

_____________the war starts here______________

Mum ” why you come home so late??”
Me ” had oral… …”
Mum ” I thought I asked you to call me after u finished??”
Me “I forgot… …”
Mum sniffs and looks at me…
Mum “ did you smoke??”
Me ‘ no… …”
Mum “then why do u SMELL LIKE SMOKE??”
ME “FROM OUTSIDE… … “
Mum “ ARE YOU SURE TIFFANY BIANCA THOMASZ?? WHY DID I FINGD A PACKET OF CIGGS IN YOUR BAG??”
ME “ (after a long pause) so what IF I DO?? I BET YOU DON’T EVEN GIVE A SHIT!!”

Slams door and slept all the way until 5 a.m today.

Goodnight Jamie

2005-09-20T07:18:00.000-07:00

Jamie Bear was in bed, but he couldn't go to sleep. He tossed and turned, shook his pillow and pulled the blankets under his chin, but still he couldn't sleep. He looked at the clock. It was late.
Jamie's dad crept into his room." Not asleep yet?" he whispered.
"No," said Jamie. "I can't sleep.I tried counting sheep, but it didn't work."
Jamie's dad looked out at the inky-black sky. Stars dotted the blackness. "Why not try counting stars instead?" he said, and crept outside.
Jamie looked at the twinkling, winking stars and began to count.
"One, two," he counted, and his eyes felt heavy.
"Three, four," and he yawned a big yawn.
"Five, six," and his eyes started to close.
"Seven, eight, nine," Jamie counted. But before he could say "Ten," he was fast asleep.
Jamie's dad peeped in."Goodnight,Jamie," he said.

adapted from 5-minute Teddy Tales for BEDTIME.

OVER 100 STORIES AND POEMS FOR YOUNG CHILDREN AND YOU.

GOODNIGHT:)

terrible

2005-09-19T07:17:00.000-07:00

today was a totally DISATROUS day
okay,don't really feel like typing,cause i'm TIRED
just came home from SCHOOL
and alot of PEOPLE disappointed me today

I TRUSTED you!!
YOU ARE SUCH A FUCKING LIAR

MEET YOU IN HELL

things on my mind

2005-09-18T07:33:00.000-07:00

friday
HAD SCHOOL UNTIL 12.30.
ha.had morning RUN
CHINESE CLASS[ugh!!]
maths class[the usual stoning]
CHEMISTRY,i love chemistry,its so totally fun lar.esp when MR LOW goes totally HYPER.
haha
he's damn HILARIOUS LAR.

was SUPPOSE to meet SIDNEY after school cause my friend was suppose to pierce for him.
BUT HE WAS ONLY AT LITTLE INDIA.
so nvm.

oh,saw my PATRICKSTARRFISH twice THAT day
wasn't really EXPECTING IT.
u had that really SURPRISED Look on your face.
aha!

saturday
can't really recall what i did on that day
ha
oh now i remembered!!
SIDNEY was showing that AWFUL piercing
haha.
had a TALK by SINCH...
blahblahblah
and ERYN dao us*
okay
i'm SORRY MY RYNNIE BABIE!!
i PROMISE NOT TO RE-PIERCE
haha

SUNDAY**
went to church today.
ma and sid sneaked out for a while
`had FUN!!~
ha
OKAY
NVM
THEN AFTER SERVICE.
WENT TO MEET CHINA MAID HUIJIA
she think she's QUEEN!!
ME,SIDNEY,BERNICE.GABRIEL AND JIM
had to go fetch her
ha,
BERNICE AND HUIJIA HAD tuition
while me and SINEY were like TOTALLY fooling around,
ha
we bought FIVE hip hop jellys,ONE porky,and ONE green tea
after that
went to adam road hawker centre to eat INDIAN ROJAK.
MY NATIVE FOOD!!
oh!!i forgot one IMPORTANT BIT,
huijia asked me to work at SUBWAY!!
do what??
cut lettuce and tomatoes??
bet we'll be fired in a day lar!!
haha
and ME HUIJIA AND BERNICE decided not to WEAR sports BRAS anymore
[because my boobs are SHRINKING.UGH!!]
so we decided to buy the....
TRIUMPH PARTY BRAS*
haha
siao!!

went home after that to do my
CHEMISTRY,MATHS,ENG AND SS!

i am such A GOOD GIRL
[grins*]

numb

2005-09-13T06:34:00.000-07:00

yesterday
first day of school and it was DAMN LONG.boo!!
we had maths for the first three periods.
imagine me and YU JIE's FACE
practically stoning at the teacher lar.
haha
we had no idea what the hell she was saying.
then we had english.PE.where we ran 3.8 km.
stupid mr tay!!sadistic NUTCASE.
anyway.we had recess and CHINESE.
i hate my TEACHER like shit man.
she has SILVER BRA nad RED PANTY!!
totally TURNING all the guys ON if u ask me.
damn GROSS LAR!!
SHE THINKS SHE'S DAMN HOT OR SOMETHING
SIAO ONE!!

then had eng newspaper reading.
met CHERMAINE at compass point at bout 4.
BEFORE THAT.
went to PIERCE my mouth!!
haha,was like TOTALLY GROSSING chermaine out with it.
haha.
[my STUPID XIAO BIE CAI!!]
we were SUPPOSE to study.
haha.but ended up talking and stuff.
haha
i'm such A DISTRACTION.

TODAY.
could BARELY eat or talk at all.
the piercing was damn pain lar
ha.
had chem and MR LOW was TOTALLY going nuts.
he was teaching us IONIC BONDS
and he was damn HYPER.
another of my MAD TEACHERS.
HAHA
ARRGH!!
i'm having a SPLITTING HEADACHE!!

why am i in this world?

2005-09-11T00:30:00.000-07:00

sometimes you just sit and ponder about the things that have happened over the past few years
and you come across those where u went totally wrong.

and you ask yourself
where did i go wrong??

you just can't find any answers at all.
you burrow deeper and u find that hollow emptiness.
there's no where to escape.
there's no where to run.
you are short of breath.
u just want to go back in time and change everything
make everything that ever happened
not happen at all

you lose all form of identity
you lose your dignity.

is it possible for us to change our destiny...

tired but HYPER!!

2005-09-09T02:30:00.000-07:00

GOSH!!!
I'M LIKE DAMN TIRED CAN!~!~

just finished cycling 10 km
and my shirt is like TOTALLY soaked with sweat
EWWW!!

oh.today was a really EVENTFUL day for me!!
ha.my sis and i decided to cook LUNCH for my MUM!!
okay.i can imagine how it turned out.haha
definitely horrible!!!
at least my VEGETABLES looked like VEGETABLES
while my sis EGGS looked really GROSS!!!
haha
this is DEFINITELY the LAST time we would be COOKING.!!

HAHA.
was suppose to go KAYAKING with the sec 2 gals today.
but didn't go cause i wanted to STUDY!!
HAHAH.
and i really DID study K!!
i finished my CHEMISTRY and PHYSICS and CHINESE!!

that is TOTALLY a GREAT achievement.
[smiles.smiles]
awwww.....i got tuition tonight!!!
and i'm HALF DEAD!!

now i really REGRETTED not going KAYAKING with the sec 2
at least can pon tuition.

ARRGH!!

oooh,going to the musical thingy with ERYN,JU ER,SIDNEY and CHERMAINE!!
HAHA.
bet its gonna be damn FUN
oooh lala!!

i WANNA PLAY BBALL!!
NOW!!!